


Heart Murmurs

by andachippedcup



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-09
Updated: 2013-07-03
Packaged: 2017-11-25 02:24:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 33,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/634113
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andachippedcup/pseuds/andachippedcup
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sequel to "Life Support"; Doctor Belle French is now a Cardiothoracic Resident and free to date Chief of Surgery, Doctor Gold. However, plenty of obstacles remain for the couple, not the least of which is Belle's boss, Department Head Doctor Regina Mills. To stay together, they will have to overcome her efforts to break them apart, as well as the return of some ghosts from Gold's past.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Full Disclosure

“The patient presented with neck swelling, difficulty swallowing, nausea, and a rapid heart rate.” She rushed to finish, her eyes set straight ahead of her as she refused to look at him. By now, Belle knew that meeting his eyes would only encourage him.

“And how did you proceed?” He asked, his voice low and husky as he tried to meet her gaze despite her attempts to deny him. Gold understood why Belle played at professionalism in the rest of the hospital but here, in his office, they were free to be themselves. And currently, he wanted his girlfriend to give him a damn kiss already.

“I ordered a chest CT and an aortogram.” She responded and  _still_  she refused to meet his gaze. Doctor Belle French was nothing if not intent on being professional, it seemed.

“And those told you what, exactly?”

“The chest CT showed the size of the aorta and the location of the aneurysm. The aortogram identified exact branches of the aorta involved with the aneurysm.”

“Very good,  _Doctor_   _French_. And what did you learn?”

“He has what appears to be an aneurysm of the ascending aorta, over 5 and a half centimeters in size.” She responded, biting back a smile as he stepped closer to her, his eyes dark.

“And your recommendation?” His words were drawn out slowly as he slipped a hand to her chin and tilted her face up so her eyes would meet his.

“Surgery to replace the aorta, preferably with a fabric graft.” Her voice was quieter, more restrained now as she struggled to keep focus with him so close by.

“A marvelous diagnosis, dearie.” He applauded quickly, eager to be done with this conversation. “Now can you please put a stop to this professional pretense nonsense and come  _give me a kiss_?” He queried with a smirk as he snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her toward him.

“We’re at work!” She reprimanded him halfheartedly as he embraced her and pressed a greedy  kiss to her lips.

“Quite right you are, Doctor French.” He smirked as he released her, satisfied for now with having at least kissed her good morning.

“You know we shouldn’t. It isn’t professional. And until we officially announce our relationship, we really should show some… _restraint_ when at work.” She gulped as he appraised her with brows raised in a look that was more than a little skeptical.

“Professionalism?” He grinned and stepped closer to her again, his hands framing her waist just shy of actually touching her. Then, to really bother her, he leaned his face in, letting his lips hover just a hair’s breadth from hers. “That’s what you want, is it dearie? No touching, no kissing while at work? Very well.” He sighed and stepped back from her just a bit.

One of her hands shot out and grabbed the collar of his lab coat, her face screwed up in a conflicted little frown.

“You don’t play fair, you know that?” She muttered grumpily as he feigned innocence.

“Just trying to make certain I understand what your expectations are, little lamb.” He snickered and she rolled her eyes and shook her head.

“You’re incorrigible. Fine. If we go see Doctor Hopper today, I’ll consent to  _small_ public displays of affection.” She acquiesced with a sigh and a smile that he was hesitant to return.

“Hopper? Really dearie, does it  _have_ to be him?” Of all the therapists the hospital boasted, Hopper was perhaps the most moral and by the book of the lot. A fact which meant that Gold had little chance of bullying or bribing him into bypassing the therapy session they were supposed to pass before Human Resources would approve their relationship. Hopper, however, was definitely not a ‘bypass’ kind of guy; there’d be no circumventing the system with him as their case therapist.

“Yes. Doctor Hopper is the nicest one in that whole department and he’s professional. He won’t fuel any of the gossip that’ll be bound to crop up.” Belle explained shyly.

“People will gossip about it one way or the other, little lamb. Things like this don’t stay quiet long.” He reminded her gently, afraid as always that she would change her mind instead of going through with this and making their relationship public. They’d attempted three times past to set up an appointment with Hopper but each time surgeries or VIP patients or meetings had interfered.

“I know they will.” She admitted quietly and for the first time since the beginning of the entire conversation, he was genuinely serious when he took her hand and ran his thumb over her knuckles in a soothing motion. He was searching for the words to comfort her when she spoke up again, that brave note painting her voice in that little way of hers.

“Whatever they say, we’ll know the truth of it. And that’s what matters.” She nodded as if to reassure herself and he could only smile and brush a hand gently over her face.

“Indeed.”

——-

“So, you’ve both read the hospital’s policy regarding interoffice romance?” Doctor Hopper questioned in that soft way of his and Gold rolled his eyes and nodded in time with Belle, who was much more relaxed and happy about all this than he was.

“Yes and we’re both comfortable with it.” Belle replied brightly, prompting a smile from Hopper.

“That’s good, it’s important that you’re both on the same page.” He encouraged, casting a hesitant glance Gold’s way. “Now, erm, there’s just a few questions I have to run through with you both. Do your best to answer them honestly.” He advised.

“First off, since you two are at very different levels in your career, this relationship will have a noticeable discrepancy between the two of you when it comes to your power dynamic. Doctor Gold, how will you be sure to avoid showing favoritism?”

Of course. Power. That was what it always came down to in the end.

“I’m not directly overseeing Ms. French.” He sniffed, happy to call Belle by something other than ‘doctor’ for a change. “Regina Mills does and I assure you that she has no such biases in Belle’s favor. Additionally, I’ve handed my surgical schedule over to my assistant so I won’t be seeing the surgeons on each case, only the cases themselves.” It was true but there was of course the minor detail that he need only say the word and Ashley would find out which surgeon went with which case. The girl was positively tractable.

“I see. That ah, that seems like a very good system.” Hopper responded, scribbling away on his notepad before he focused his attention on Belle.

“And Doctor French how will you handle claims of favoritism, attacks on your credibility or in the event that Doctor Gold were to abuse his power for the negative, how would you handle reporting him?”

Gold snorted at the notion but Belle shot him and dirty look and he quieted. The idea that he would retaliate against Belle if the relationship went awry was positively…well, perhaps it was legitimate but for the life of him he knew he wouldn’t do it.

“I’ll happily tell anyone who questions me that no one decides my fate but me; I was top of my intern class without a relationship with Doctor Gold and I’ll do just as well this year regardless of my relationship. My professional and private life are distinct entities. And as for reporting, I don’t imagine that will be an issue but there’s yourself or Doctor Mills or any other department head.” Belle finished coolly and he found himself nodding appreciatively at her answers.

The questions went on for a fair while. How would they conduct themselves in the workplace? How would they handle private conflicts in a professional setting? How would they deal with the fallout of a breakup? And so on. It was nearly forty five minutes later when Doctor Hopper finally close his notebook and turned to them with a bright smile.

“That’s all that I have in the way of professional questions. However, if you would indulge me I do have a final question to ask you, strictly off the books.” Belle turned to look at him and he motioned to her; this had been her idea, it was up to her if they would answer. Belle bit her lip for a moment in thought and then turned to Hopper and nodded.

“Alright.” She agreed.

“Are you two  _happy_? All pretense and pride aside, do you take pleasure in the…non-physical aspects of your relationship?” He asked slowly, careful with his words. Belle’s cheeks flushed and she tried to hide a smile as her head bobbed hurriedly.

“I mean, not to speak for both of us-” she paused and flashed Gold a smile. “-but I know I am. I love our conversations.” She fell silent at that point and fiddle with the ring she’d worn that day. Gently, he reached his hand forward and took hold of her fidgeting fingers to still them.

“The ‘non-physical’ aspect of the relationship is the only reason there’ll be a physical one.” Gold added in agreement before he shot Hopper a piercing gaze. “I assure you Doctor Hopper, Belle’s mind is every bit as attractive as the rest of her.” He stated firmly and to his satisfaction, the doctor relaxed.

Good. The fewer people that thought he was ‘taking advantage’ of Belle, the better.

“Well then, that’s all I have for you two. You’ll have to wait for the paperwork from Human Resources to sign but as of now, your relationship has been cleared by the department. Congratulations.” Hopper grinned and Gold felt a knot he had not known existed uncoil in his stomach.

——-

“I told you it wouldn’t be so bad.” Belle chuckled smugly once they were safely ensconced inside his office, having spoonfed Ashley some excuse about Belle needing to fetch a patient chart from him for Doctor Mills.

“I recall no such reassurances.” He hedged playfully as he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close, drinking in her laughter. There had been a lightness in him since Hopper had given them official approval, as if relieved of some burden he had not known he carried.

He and Belle were free to exist, to be a couple and it would not cost him his career, nor she hers. It was a splendid feeling, truthfully.

“That’s because you never seem to hear anyone who disagrees with you.” She smirked and he wrapped his arms around her a little tighter.

“I’m sorry, what was that little lamb? I wasn’t listening.” He retorted and she shook her head at him smilingly, appreciative of his little quips as always. Gingerly, he leaned into her and stole a victory kiss, which quickly became two and then three until they were simply standing in the middle of his office, wrapped up in each other’s arms as they kissed sweetly over and over again.

Until a sharp cough broke through the quiet and made Belle turn to stone in his arms.

They broke away from one another, though he grabbed Belle’s hand to keep her close by. Standing in his office’s doorway was Regina, her expression one of malicious victory as she stepped into the office and closed the door loudly behind her.

“Well,  _this_ is a surprise.” She commented brightly, a feral smile on her lips as she took in the pair of them, her eyes lingering over their joined hands. “Sorry to interrupt.” Regina commented and Gold’s eyes narrowed as he stared at her.

“Not as sorry as I am.” He grumbled under his breath before addressing her. “What do you need, Regina?”

“I was just coming by to discuss the budget expansion paperwork but I see that you’re rather…” Regina commented distantly as she prowled closer to the couple, her eyes boring into Belle’s “-occupied.” She finished, her voice almost a growl.

“I’ll go.” Belle remarked quickly, disentangling herself from his grasp and sharing a look with him that said plainly that Belle didn’t want to be caught in the middle of this.

As the girl swept quickly from the room, he reclined against the edge of his desk lazily, intent that Regina would not be given the upper hand here. If he appeared calm, cool, and collected, perhaps he would actually start to feel that way as well.

“I want her off my service.” Regina snapped harshly the moment the office door closed behind Belle and he could only chuckle in response.

“Oh you do, do you?” He queried, his voice brimming with the sort of swaggering confidence that his position afforded him. Regina could try but she’d never beat him.

“Yes. I do. It’s a conflict of interest. You’re a Cardio surgeon. You’ll give her special privileges and you know who will have to hear the other Residents complain? Me. I won’t stand for it.” Regina attempted to rationalize her argument and he only shook his head.

“ _You_ are the head of the department, dearie, not me. You determine when she operates. I’m just the Chief of Surgery.” He smirked, quick to rub his superiority in her face. “Would you propose she transfer out of surgery altogether? Because that would be the only way to get her out from under my umbrella of influence.” And really, even that wouldn’t do it. He pulled plenty of strings beyond the surgery floor. If Belle wound up in _dermatology_ , he’d still find a way of improving her situation.

That was just the way of things.

“If need be, yes.” Regina finally hissed back and stepped forward to meet his slow advance. “I won’t be punished for berating her if she does something wrong, purely because she’s your…  _flavor of the month_.” Regina purred, her eyes glinting menacingly as he tightened his grip on the desk to keep from decking her. “I have a department to run and I can’t be concerned about one of my residents running to tattle to her boyfriend, _my boss_.”

They were still for some moments until, his jaw tight, he gave a little nod, a move which threw Regina off her game.

“Of course dearie. I expect you to treat her just as you would any other Resident with her kind of skills and knowledge. And I assure you, she won’t come running to me for help; she’s perfectly capable of fighting her own battles.” He admitted seriously. It was true after all – Belle didn’t like him fighting her battles for her, but that didn’t mean that always stopped him.

“Change her service. Send her to Neuro, Whale can have her. Or Trauma. Mal always loves a challenge.” She was trying a new angle, he could see, though it would not work any better than her others. Under no circumstance would he change Belle’s service. The girl wanted Cardiothoracics so to Cardiothoracics she had gone and would damn well stay.

“Oh come now Regina, you don’t want the girl off your service. That’s not what this is about. You like her talent, even if you don’t like the package it comes in.” He stated knowingly, prompting the woman to scowl deeply. “Tell me what’s  _really_ bothering you.” He prodded and he knew that with each word, he was poking a sleeping lioness.

After some time and a long, mutual stare, Regina gave in, her features tight and eyes dark as she leaned forward, her hands balled into fists at her sides.

“What this is  _about-_ ” she clenched, “-is you  _playing me_  to ensure that your little toy passed her exams. I’m not a tutor or a babysitter, Gold.” Regina sneered, looking him up and down like she wished she could rip him apart right where he stood.

“Are you referring to our wager, dearie? As I recall, you were only too happy to accept the terms of the deal and the spoils of your victory, were you not?” He reminded her and a shadow fell over her face as Regina glared at him all the harder.

“I don’t fancy being played, Gold.”

“Well thank heavens you’re not a fiddle then.” He retorted crisply. “Now last I checked, you have a brain in that head of yours, Regina. Perhaps next time, before you make a deal with me, you should use it.” He warned in a low, terse voice.

The seconds dragged on and on with the two of them faced off, warriors only too ready and willing to fight until at last, Gold squared his shoulders, an indolent grin on his face.

“Now, if that’ll be all  _Doctor Mills_ , I believe the young Doctor French is waiting on my company to escort her to dinner. So if you wouldn’t mind, do take your precious budget paperwork and leave my office.  _Please_.”

——-

“You didn’t need to defend me like that.” Belle reprimanded him gently as she walked alongside him down the hallway as they departed his office a short while after the confrontation. Her fingers brushed against his hand tentatively but she seemed to think better of it and instead, clasped her hands before her. “Regina’s not the sort to live and let live.” Belle worried aloud and he only grinned at her.

“I’m the Chief of Surgery, little lamb. She’s in no position to hassle me or you by extension.” He soothed, though his words lacked weight; he too had concerns about Regina and what dark plans the woman might have in store for them. In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to take the hand she had started to offer and hold it, to be a bastion of strength and reassurance for her but given the response their relationship had received from Regina, he understood the hesitance they both seemed to be feeling as they approached the main desk.

For all of the hospital’s surgeons, the main desk was a central hub of activity. Patient charts, the nurse station, morning rounds – all were tied to the main desk. As such, no matter the day or hour, the odds were heavily stacked in favor of running into a surgeon of some sort at the main desk. It was essentially a surgeon command center.

Even as they approached from down the hall, he could see Doctor Emma Swan was speaking animatedly with Doctor Mal Vincent and Doctor David Nolan. They were preparing to do rounds with their interns (a smattering of rather sad looking little creatures that were clustered at the desk, receiving instructions from Nurse Blanchard). The desk was practically overrun with the surgical staff.

From the corner of his eye, he could see Regina prowling on the fringe of the group, Doctor Glass hot on her heels. She caught his gaze from afar and he could practically  _feel_ her eyes burning into his as he and Belle reached the desk.

And it was at that moment that the light bulb went off in his head.

He stopped short suddenly, a wicked grin spreading across his features as he reached a hand out to grab Belle’s wrist. With a firm tug, he brought a very off-balance Belle reeling into his arms with a soft yelp of surprise, her blue eyes wide and confused as she looked up at him.

Already a few eyes had turned to look at them, no doubt from the commotion. Amongst those eyes, he could still feel Regina’s stare on him as he tilted Belle’s face up to meet his and with painstaking care, proceeded to kiss her.

It was not a quick peck on the cheek, nor was it chaste; it was a kiss that had a statement to make. After  _months_  of tortuous waiting, Belle French was his to kiss and no one, not Regina Mills, or Sidney Glass, or Mal Vincent, could do a damn thing about it.

Belle, for her part, not only accepted the kiss but reciprocated it, unsuspecting though she had been. So, as the kiss came to an end, he was able to enjoy watching the way her eyes remained closed and her breathing hitched. He was also able to enjoy the way that all activity in the area had come to a screeching halt, all eyes on Belle and himself.

Regina was looking positively  _murderous_ , Mal and Emma looked as though a bomb had gone off and Ruby’s jaw was hanging open to such an extent that he feared Glass might have to wire it shut for the little lass.

“Carry on.” He instructed loudly with a lazy wave of his left hand as his right sought out Belle’s and interlaced fingers with her. Belle had turned positively  _maroon_  at that point but he was too thoroughly pleased with himself to feel guilty for embarrassing her. As they breezed past the desk and the still awestruck surgical staff, his face split open in a Cheshire grin as he escorted his  _girlfriend_ to dinner.


	2. Acts of Seduction & Intimidation

“We’re just waiting for images to come up and then Doctor Mills is going to come up with a treatment plan for our surgery tomorrow. After that I’m free.” Belle explained to Ruby, who beamed.

“Perfect. We can head home after you’re done. And then we are hitting the town. I’ve just got charts to finish up quickly.” Ruby explained before she parted from her best friend’s side to walk toward the nurse’s station. “I’ll see you in an hour!” She called firmly over her shoulder, giving Belle a stern look. Belle laughed and nodded, then rounded to continue on her way to meet with Doctor Mills.

Something about the patient they were working on just didn’t add up. The gentleman’s symptoms – shortness of breath and chest pain - indicated a few things but the treatments had done nothing to alleviate his pain. Clearly, something more was afoot. Belle just couldn’t put her finger on  _what_  that ‘something’ was.

She was staring hard at the chart, trying to make the answers to her patient’s problem reveal themselves as she entered the elevator. Belle had become so well acquainted with the hospital and with the hustle and bustle that honestly, half the time she could be found with her nose stuck in a chart, weaving through the hospital with hardly a glance at her surroundings.

This was one such time.

She had entered the elevator and glanced away from the chart only to select a floor when she became distantly aware of someone else entering the elevator. She sidestepped out of the way so said individual could select a floor, so she was not expecting the warm hand that stole across her waist, startling her from her reading.

With a flinch, Belle looked up from her chart to see Gold was in front of her, mischief in his eyes. She smiled shyly and started to phrase a greeting but before she could utter a word he stepped closer to her and without any explanation his lips were on hers, unexpected and light but with purpose, each kiss fleeting and terribly taunting but with the promise of being followed by another. He relented after a few moments and Belle looked at him with wide eyes, dizzied by the exhilaration of kissing him.

“Clear your weekend.” He directed with a wicked grin as his face hovered close to hers, teasing her with the temptation of another series of breathtaking kisses.

“I’m working this weekend; Regina has me scheduled with her on that valve replacement surgery. Why would I want to clear my schedule and miss that?” She asked, her hands on his forearms as he gently guided her backward, until her back pressed against the elevator wall.

“Oh believe me dearie, you want to clear your schedule.” He smirked with a nod, his nose hovering just over her skin but not touching until he leaned down to kiss her again, each kiss fierce but abruptly ended, his own way of intentionally driving her crazy. Belle remembered, albeit dimly, that he was positively  _trouncing_ on her recent mandate that they limit displays of affection at the hospital but they were alone on an elevator and she most assuredly lacked the willpower and the resolve to ask him to stop.

“I’m taking you away for the weekend. Clear your schedule.” He said one last time as he stepped away from her to look at her approvingly. She could only imagine he was admiring his work; she was flushed and left breathless from his little elevator seduction.

“A-alright.” She managed with a lopsided smile and he chuckled as the elevator door dinged and released him out into the hospital, leaving her alone in the corner to compose herself as other people entered the elevator.

Damn that man and his unexpected seductions.  

——-

Belle got out of the elevator on the next floor, mostly composed after her encounter with her boyfriend. She made her way to the patient’s room where she found Regina waiting on her, however, not with good news.

“We’re pushing back our timetable.” She directed as she exited the patient’s room and grabbed the chart from Belle to scribble on it angrily. “Damn machine is backed up for hours.” Regina growled as she flipped the chart closed and handed it back to Belle, glowering. “I want you to page me as soon as you get the images. We’re going to figure out what’s wrong with this man  _tonight_.” She snapped and walked away before Belle could say another word.

Well, it looked like her plans with Ruby weren’t going to happen.

With a sigh, Belle returned the chart to the floor’s nursing station before heading up to the machines. They were  _always_  backed up but it was odd for there to be such a line at this time of night. A quick conversation with the technician, however, revealed that Regina was right; there were no fewer than a dozen patients ahead of Belle’s. It would be hours before she was able to obtain the images Regina needed.

She  _definitely_  was not going to have time to meet up with Ruby. And this would mark her  _fourth_ time having to bail on her friend in the last two weeks. Belle felt positively _dreadful_.

She found herself in the employee lounge, a stack of charts spread out before her as she attempted to get ahead on her charting. She was too engrossed to notice when Doctor Nolan left the lounge, summoned by a page to his beeper. Nor did she notice when the door to the lounge reopened to admit none other than Doctor Gold himself.

She  _did_ , however, notice when a warm hand touched her cheek gently, startling her from her reading as she blinked up at him and smiled.

“Charting? I half expected you to be with Regina, planning for your patients so you could steal away for a few days with me.” He grinned and she shook her head reluctantly.

“I  _would_ be with my patient, if it weren’t for the three hour wait for CT. I’m going to have to cancel my plans with Ruby and if I cancel on her, I can’t very well turn around and ask a favor of her. That would be impolite. So I don’t know about this weekend.” She mused sadly and he stared at her intently.

“You said it was three hours for CT?” He asked and Belle nodded.

“Mhmm. I need a CT with contrast scan done. I’m going to be here forever.” She sighed with a sad little smile. Such was the life of a surgeon, they both well knew.

“A  _three hour wait_.” He repeated and put a hand to his chin. He seemed to ponder something for a minute until a satisfied smirk stole across his features. She knew that smirk. Nothing good came of that smirk. That smirk was his ‘I have a plan to get my way come hell or high water’ smirk.

“What are you thinking?” She questioned uneasily but he shook his head, already moving away and toward the door.

“Never you worry dearie. I’d stick close by that pager of yours though.” He winked and just like that he was gone, leaving her to stare at the spot where he’d disappeared, her mouth hanging slightly open.

——-

Within a half hour, Belle received a page and was informed that CT had opened up ‘earlier than expected’ so she could bring her patient up.

She knew he’d done something; bribery would be the kinder option but knowing her boyfriend, he’d likely bullied someone into opening an extra slot for her ahead of the others. And while she was more than a little bothered by that, Belle wasn’t going to punish her patient for her boyfriend’s abuse of power. They’d have a conversation about that later but for now, she just wanted to make sure that her patient was well tended and that meant she had to get the images she needed so Regina could determine his treatment plan.

She paged the head of cardio once the images were done and in short order the dark haired woman walked into the viewing room, hands on her hips.

“Do I even want to know how the hell you got those images a full two hours earlier than you should have?” Regina asked and Belle bit her lip and shook her head. Rolling her eyes, Regina stepped forward and flicked off the light as Belle placed the films up for the surgeon to read.

What they found made both of them inhale in surprise.

“Good heavens.” Regina whispered, leaning closer to the screen. Belle’s eyes grew wide as they traced over the picture and her brain registered what was before her.

“Is that…is it-” Belle spluttered and Regina turned on her sharply.

“Is it a what?” She demanded and Belle inhaled slowly to collect herself.

“It’s an aortic dissection…isn’t it? Type A.” She mused as she stared at the images, astonishment on her face.

“Yes Doctor French, it is.” Regina responded, staring at the film in awe as her fingers touched upon the screen in disbelief. “Book an OR. We’re going in.  _Now_.”

——-

“Call the blood bank, tell them to prep as much A+ as they can.” Belle directed Nurse Blanchard as she hurried down the hall toward the elevator. “And please page Doctor Lucas and tell her I’m going into surgery?” Belle asked and Mary Margaret nodded sympathetically, offering Belle an encouraging smile as the young doctor rushed inside the lift.

As she waited for the elevator to bring her to the surgical floor, she tapped out a quick text message to Gold, well aware that this surgery would force her to cancel on Ruby. And if she canceled on Ruby, no way was she asking her friend for a favor.

_'Going into surgery. I don’t have anyone to cover me for this weekend, I’m sorry. Raincheck?'_

She typed out hurriedly, hitting the ‘send’ button just as the doors opened. With practiced ease, she darted out and to the scrub room, where Regina was already in the process of scrubbing in.

“How acquainted are you with this procedure?” Doctor Mills asked as Belle grabbed up the soap and began to drag it over her skin roughly.

“I know the text but I’ve never done one.”

“Explain it to me then; I have to make sure you have at least a brain cell’s worth of knowledge on this condition before I let you lay a hand on our patient.” Regina growled in a brittle tone but by now, Belle was accustomed to Regina’s affected loathing.

“Aortic dissection occurs when a tear occurs in the tunica intima of the aorta. Blood enters the tear and strips the intima layer away from the media layer, which divides the aortic walls and forms a lumen.” Belle explained briskly as she ran her hands beneath the hot water.

“And what happens if the tear crosses the third layer?” Regina quizzed her and Belle took a deep breath before she answered.

“If the tear crosses all three layers of the aorta, an immediate rupture occurs.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning…meaning almost certain death.” Belle gulped with a wayward glance at Regina. The woman was fiercely scrubbing her hands, focused like Belle had only seen her in a handful of traumatic, emergent situations before.

“Which is exactly why we have to go in there immediately and fix the tear before it can widen and prompt additional tearing. The man is a ticking time bomb.” Regina explained and then held her hands before her, finished scrubbing in. “So if it pleases you, you really ought to  _hurry up, French_!”

——-

Gold was in his office perusing a stack of files Ashley had brought him when his phone buzzed in his pocket, alerting him to a new message. Being as Belle was about the only one to message him on his private line, he was only too happy to set aside his work and recline back in his chair as he brought up her message. When he did though, his eyes narrowed and he let out an exasperated sigh.

“Ashley!” He barked. The sound of something falling on the floor outside, followed by the sound of feet on tile followed before the girl herself came to stand in his doorway.

“Have the nurses page Doctor Lucas in fifteen minutes, saying she has a 911 from Doctor Mills and is to report to the surgical suite where Mills is in surgery. Immediately.” He directed and the blonde nodded nervously, fumbling to take note of what he said.

“I’ll be out of the office indefinitely. Field my calls.” He dismissed her as he got to his feet and swept out of the room.

Gold made his way to the surgical board and peered at it intensely until he saw the sharp scrawl that indicated that Doctors Mills and French were in Surgical Suite 3 working on an aortic dissection. Well, that would have explained the suddenness of the surgery. Perhaps then, he would not get into  _too_ much trouble with Belle for having threatened the imaging technician with being fired unless he opened up a spot for Belle’s patient earlier in the queue.

After all, an aortic tear could become fatal at any time; his little manipulation might have saved the man’s life. She couldn’t be  _too mad_  at him then if his actions had prevented a death. Right?  _Right_.

He scrubbed in and slipped on the surgical scrubs and his cap and mask with ease, the feel of the gloves on his fingers more familiar than any other sensation in the world. He walked into the OR briskly and found Regina and Belle elbow deep in their patient as nurses hurried to hang additional units of blood.

“Doctor Mills, may I?” Gold called out, his smirk hidden by his mask as Regina looked up over her headlamp to see him and her brows knitted into a frown.

“What is it  _Chief_? I’m a little busy trying to save this man’s life, in case you couldn’t tell.” Regina retorted. As he watched, she called for clamps, which Nurse Blanchard hurried to provide.  “Suction.” She muttered to Belle, who was already grabbing the necessary instrument. The brunette was, he observed, strictly avoiding eye contact with him, focused entirely on her surgery.  _As well she should_ , he reminded himself.

“I need you to let Doctor Lucas sit in on this one.” He announced after he had cleared his throat. Regina paused in her work, a pair of forceps frozen in her hands as she narrowed her eyes at the Chief.

“Lucas? She’s Mal’s little protégé. What’s she need to sit in on cardio for?” Regina queried before she resumed her efforts, her fingers flying.

“As you’ll recall, Doctor Mills, Doctor Lucas is on Trauma and therefore, she has need of being strong in the basics of all surgical fields. Doctor Vincent says she shows tremendous promise for trauma. We’ll have need of her when she’s finished her residency so I want her to be sharp. Now I’ll ask again: will you allow Doctor Lucas on this surgery?” He asked and Regina laughed sharply.

“That was your first time asking, if we’re keeping track.” She intoned sharply as she raised her brows at him, clearly trying to provoke him. When that failed she sighed and shrugged. “Fine, she can observe. French is already assisting.”

“You have my utmost thanks.” He replied in a false chipper tone before he cast a parting glance Belle’s way and then exited the OR. He was pleased to see that Doctor Lucas was already in the scrub room, scrubbing as quick as her little fingers would go.

“Oh, hello Chief, I-” she began nervously as she paused in her work.

“Carry on, Lucas.” He dismissed with a smile as the girl nodded and resumed, soaping up her arms and hands feverishly. It never ceased to amuse him to see how eager the young ones were for a taste of the blood and steel of surgery.

At the doorway he turned back and called over his shoulder at her.

“And keep your chin up; Regina’s bite is horrid, so mind her bark.” He winked at Ruby, who bobbed her head with a serious expression.

——-

He’d fallen asleep at his desk.

He hadn’t intended to; the stiffness of his bad knee and his back reminded him of why he generally made a point of finding an on call room to sleep in rather than utilizing the privacy afforded him by his office.

Office chairs did not comfortable sleeping quarters make.

Still, he’d wanted to be easily locatable once Belle was done with her surgery, so he’d stuck around his office until he’d apparently given in to his fatigue. He’d only awoken when a pair of warm hands had shaken him softly awake. The first thing he’d seen had been a pair of bright blue eyes crinkling in delight as they stared down at him.

“Wake up you silly old man.” She teased him and he harrumphed as he sat up straight and stretched his sore limbs.

“That’s a rather horrid way to greet the man that saved your weekend plans.” He sulked and she put her hands on her hips as she stared down at him.

“Saved my weekend, did you? How? By bullying someone into letting me use the CT? By bullying Regina into letting Ruby into her surgery?” Belle asked with raised brows and he couldn’t help but shake his head and laugh.

“You sound rather displeased for someone whose boyfriend jumped through hoops for her.” He commented and she shook her head at him.

“You can’t go intimidating the entire hospital to try and make my life easier, you know.” Belle berated him gently and he sighed.

“Yes, yes. I know. You’ve said that. But I was hardly bullying Regina. And I wasn’t lying – Ruby  _does_ need some cardio hours if she’s to be a thorough trauma surgeon. I was merely facilitating her education.” He mused aloud as Belle groaned aloud and then laughed.

“Facilitating? Is that what you’re calling it?”

“I’ll call it whatever keeps me out of trouble.” He smirked and she laughed and leaned in to give him a brief kiss.

“You’re incorrigible.”

“Indeed.” He responded arrogantly as he stood and tentatively put weight on his bad leg. “Now, let’s revisit that discussion about going away together…”

“I told you, I can’t ask Ruby a favor when I’ve cancelled on her-” She began but he interrupted her by placing a finger to her lips.

“Ah! But you didn’t cancel!  _Regina_ requested her. She would have had to cancel on you. You two are perfectly square, by my calculations.” He explained, going so far as to draw an invisible square in the air with his pointer fingers. Belle chuckled brightly and grabbed his hands with hers.

“You are a ridiculous man who will stop at nothing to get his way, do you know that?”

“So is that a yes to our weekend away together?”

“…Yes, it is.” She smiled shyly and he didn’t have time to return her smile, instead leaning in to kiss her tenderly to show rather than tell her just how pleased her answer had made him.

——-

“I don’t get any hints? None? What if I haven’t packed the proper clothes?” Belle asked as Gold steered his Cadillac down the highway. It felt strangely liberating to know that she was not on call, not working but rather,  _completely free_ from hospital duties for the next two days.

“I think you’ll be able to manage.” He smirked from the driver’s seat and Belle could only huff quietly in response. He’d given her no clues whatsoever as to where they were going or what they were doing. And while it appealed to her more adventurous side, Belle didn’t particularly enjoy being in the dark.

“What if we play twenty questions so I can figure it out, hmm?”

“You really want to know where we’re off to, don’t you dearie?” He replied and tapped the steering wheel delightedly. “It’s for me to know and you to find out.”

Belle poked and prodded him for well over an hour and a half to no avail. He had not budged at all and she still knew nothing of their destination. Instead, he had warped twenty questions into a game of him quizzing her on a multitude of cardiovascular issues, mercilessly correcting her when she was wrong and beaming when she was right.

This was one of the rare moments when Belle could understand why dating a superior wasn’t exactly encouraged in the work place. Especially when said superior had the ability to be an insufferable (albeit handsome) know it all. So it was that when he pulled into the parking lot of a well kept apartment complex, Belle was utterly baffled.

“Are we-” she began but he pressed a finger to her lips, silencing her instantly.

“Come along and you’ll see.” He advised, offering her his arm. She accepted gratefully and walked forward – him striding, her timidly following – until he drew up in front of a whitewashed door that he knocked on confidently.

For several moments there was no sound on the other end and then Belle could hear someone approaching and the sound of a deadbolt being drawn back before the door swung open to reveal a young woman, younger even than Belle, with light brown hair that fell around her in waves. She was motionless for a moment as her wide blue eyes took them in and then suddenly Belle could only watch in confusion as the girl flung her arms about Belle’s boyfriend.

“Uncle Gold!” 


	3. Fissures & Fractures

“ _Uncle_?” Belle repeated in surprise as she looked from her boyfriend to her boyfriend’s apparent niece, both of whom were smiling knowingly. Belle could not recall any mention of him having siblings, in all their talks. Let alone nieces or nephews.

To his credit, Gold still managed to look every bit the suave bastard he was even when looking a bit sheepish as he waved a hand at the young girl before them.

“Belle, meet Aurora. My niece.”

“Pleasure to meet you.” Belle remarked, still a bit too stunned to be her usual, somewhat more enthusiastic self.

“He’s not _really_ my uncle. Just by marriage. He and my Aunt Millie used to be married.” The girl – Aurora – explained with a shrug, apparently only too willing to still claim the man as her uncle, divorced from her aunt or no.

“And you still keep in touch?” Belle asked, surprised by the realization. He had hardly seemed the type to maintain any link to his ex-wife, based on what Belle had been told and seen.

“Well…not at first.” Aurora admitted with a flush of embarrassment. “It’s…kind of a long story. But look at you, standing on the stoop, I’m being rude. Come in, come in!” She welcomed them, stepping aside so the couple could enter the space. Belle followed Gold dazedly, still trying to process.

The apartment was an open, sunny space that was decorated in cool colors; the walls were a pale, baby blue with white crown moldings. The windows were framed in expensive looking sheer silver textiles and the floors were polished wood floors. For a young girl apparently living on her own, the living space seemed rather on the rich side. This, Belle surmised, was no struggling, broke college student.

“So…Aurora,” Belle smiled as the girl waved them over to a sofa as she busied herself in the kitchen with what looked suspiciously like a tea tray. “…you and your _uncle-_ ” She said the word with a raised brow as she surveyed her boyfriend intently, “-what’s the story there?” She asked, her curiosity more than a little piqued.

“Well, a short while back my boyfriend, Philip, was hospitalized after an accident. Philip’s parents are financially secure but…hospitals are expensive. Even with his insurance, they would have lost nearly everything they had to try and pay for it all.” Aurora explained as she walked from the adjoining kitchen and into the sitting area, where she offered them all tea.

“The doctors said his prognosis wasn’t good. They had tried everything they could, supposedly. They told us it was time to say our goodbyes and I couldn’t handle that. I called Uncle Gold that night…My mom still hasn’t spoken to me because of it but I’m glad I did it.” Aurora remarked, squaring her shoulders as she met Belle’s eyes.

“When was all this, just out of curiosity?” Belle inquired and she felt her boyfriend shift next to her as he draped one arm over her.

“Perhaps a little over a year ago, I believe.” He said casually and Belle nodded, thinking back as Aurora resumed her tale.

“Anyway…Uncle Gold flew out right away. He covered the hospital bills, flew in doctors. Philip would have died if it weren’t for him.” The young girl acknowledged, her eyes bright with unshed tears as she looked at her uncle in utter adoration and with profound admiration. “It’s kind of hard not to keep in touch after someone saves the life of your loved one.” She added, barely audible as she held back her own tears.

Belle looked at Gold critically, her nose scrunched up as she tried to remember back. It hadn’t been all that long ago; before they were officially dating though, that much she remembered. She could distinctly recall Gold having been particularly irritable for over a month. And he’d been on the phone a great deal. He’d disappeared too – was that the same time he’d stopped teaching their mandatory skills labs? Was this what had prompted that? A month spent agonizing over helping a niece that was no longer even his to help?

She ducked her head and pressed her face to the shoulder of the arm he held her with, hiding her smile against him. He’d only be embarrassed if she commented on the kindness of his actions but Belle was so proud of him in that moment she could have burst. If anyone needed proof of his capacity to love and to be kind and _good_ , it was here, in such acts as these. And while she didn’t understand why he felt the need to hide that side of him from the world, she would try to respect it.

Belle turned so that her head was simply resting on his shoulder and she smiled at Aurora.

“I’m glad to hear everything worked out with your boyfriend. Philip?” When Aurora smiled and nodded, Belle mimicked her actions, giving her boyfriend’s hand a squeeze as she looked up at him smilingly. “He can be rather helpful, when he takes a shine to it.” She beamed and received only a teasing eye roll in return.

“Wow Uncle Gold, what drugs did you pump her full of to get her to say such kind things about you, hmm?” Aurora teased with raised eyebrows as she leaned forward to prepare her tea, artfully adding a few spoonfuls of sugar before she lifted the cup to her lips. To Belle’s surprise, the man beside her chortled in response and grabbed up his own cup of tea, opting for a bit of honey over sugar.

“Easy there dearie, wouldn’t want to upset your benefactor and lose your apartment now, would you?” He smirked and Aurora only shook her head and smiled.

“What’s that now?” Belle asked and his grin dimmed a little as he looked at his girlfriend, caught red-handed bullying his niece, albeit teasingly. Fortunately for him though, Aurora swooped to his rescue.

“After I went to Uncle Gold for help my mom kind of…disowned me, in a sense.” Aurora fiddled nervously, twirling the spoon in her cup. “Uncle Gold’s been helping me out ever since. He paid for my first year’s lease on this apartment in its entirety.” She admitted, her cheeks coloring with embarrassment as Belle stared at her boyfriend, aghast.

“Don’t look so surprised. I have been known to be charitable, on occasion.” He grumbled as he drank deeply from his cup. Belle left it alone, not wanting to tease him when she could instead bask in the kindness of his actions.

Belle felt her boyfriend shift against her, a subtle wall of tension creeping up his body. She pulled away from him so she could stare at him curiously just as he spoke up and the reason for the sudden strain in his posture became clear.

“Have you spoken with your mother recently? Or…or your aunt?” He queried, tight lipped as he asked the question. Aurora seemed to grow rigid and bit her lip sadly before she gave a faint nod.

“I spoke with my mom for a minute a couple weeks ago. I-It was her birthday and I wanted to just call but…” She trailed off and shook her head, tears leaking silently down her cheeks. Belle felt him grow taunt with anger next to her and she knew his anger was not directed at Aurora but rather, at the parent that would willingly separate themselves from their child. His hand twitched toward Aurora but then stilled, fear crippling his parental instinct to comfort her.

Belle, however, had no such qualms.

She stood and moved toward Aurora on the couch and grabbed up her free hand to give the girl a reassuring squeeze. Aurora flung an arm around her and cried quietly on her shoulder while Belle held her. As Gold watched, Belle whispered softly in the girl’s ear; he couldn’t make out the words but Aurora soon quieted and sniffed softly as she nodded into Belle’s shoulder. As she composed herself, her uncle watched the two women in silence from the couch. His face was sad and drawn but there was an appreciative gleam in his eyes as he watched his girlfriend tend to the younger girl with a mother’s kindness.

It was a couple hours later when the pair left the apartment, despite Aurora’s repeated offers that they could stay in her guest bedroom. Her uncle had insisted against it, saying that he’d made other arrangements. Aurora bid Belle farewell fondly, going so far as to pull the older girl to the side, out of her uncle’s earshot.

“You’re not playing him, are you?” Aurora demanded when they were away from her uncle. Belle did a double take, looking at the girl uncertainly.

“What are you talking about?”

“My uncle he…he may seem like he’s a gruff man that can’t be hurt but he can and he cares for you. A great deal, by the looks of it. And you seem really great but I just need to be sure. Promise me you aren’t going to hurt him.” Aurora pleaded and Belle met her pale gaze calmly.

“I’m not playing him. I promise.” Belle confided to Aurora, casting her blue eyes to where he stood waiting for her outside, patiently checking his pocket watch. A smile stole across her face and she added, softly.

“I love him.”

The two didn’t say anything further, though Aurora looked at Belle with newfound appreciation as she waved to her Uncle and his girlfriend from the doorway of the apartment. As Belle slid into the passenger seat and shut the door of the vehicle behind her, it roared to life and pulled away from the parking space.

They sat in silence for a few moments and Belle watched as her boyfriend seemed to work to unhinge his jaw, nervous tension painting the lines of his suit-clad body.

“Was that alright?” He asked finally, his eyes remaining trained on the road as he steered the car through the busy city streets.

“What? …Meeting Aurora?” Belle asked, studying him carefully. He swallowed and nodded, more on edge than she could remember seeing him in a great while. His grip on the steering wheel was tight, his knuckles white.

“It was wonderful.” She admitted, placing a hand on his leg to reassure him as he drove. “I ah…I’m really glad you introduced us. It meant a lot.” She murmured softly, remembering the time he had told her about his son. It had taken a stressful surgery and alcohol to get him to open up to her then. This had been of his own accord, with no prompting from her. The idea that he had willingly allowed her another peek at his past brought her a measure of warmth, like a cup of cocoa on a cold winter’s night.

“It was nothing.” He dismissed with a wave of his fingers, though the way he relaxed against the back of his seat told her that he was glad she was okay with having been introduced to Aurora.

“She seems like a bright girl.” Belle commented, pleased as a smile stole across his face and he gave a small nod.

“Aurora? Oh yes, she’s got a rather grand amount of potential though her fool of a mother can’t be bothered to see it anymore. You’d think the woman would be appreciative of what I did for her daughter but instead she turned the girl away when her only crime was asking me for help.” He growled, his brows knitted into a frown and teeth bared angrily.

Belle was uncertain how to react; she knew the subject of his ex-wife (and apparently her sister) were touchy at best. But he _had_ been the one to bring them up. She likely wouldn’t get an opportunity to ask him again.

“So your ex-wife… you haven’t spoken since the divorce, have you?” She asked. He made a wry face in response, as if he’d swallowed something bitter and shook his head.

“Not a word. We communicated through lawyers and then not at all. If I never have to lay eyes on her or ever speak to or of her again, it’ll be too soon.” He remarked, glowering. “She might have been my son’s mother and she might have had custody of him but she was a poor facsimile of a parent.” He ground out harshly and Belle let the subject go, not wanting to further upset him.

“So, what are our plans for the rest of the evening?” She asked lightly, a bright smile fixed into place as she rested her hand atop his as it clutched the gear shift. He gave her a rogue smile and winked at her.

“That, my dear, is for me to know and you to find out.”

\-----

Their hotel was, none too surprisingly, exquisite. The room was spacious, well decorated and the refrigerator well stocked. That, when coupled with the bottle of champagne he’d had room service send up, made for a thoroughly pleasant hotel experience. All the same, Belle had insisted on freshening up and had left him to his own devices while she took over the tidy hotel bathroom.

When she emerged sometime later, he was laying on the bed, a medical journal in hand as he patiently waited for her. Even when trying to relax, there was rigidness to his posture, his back to the headboard as he quietly read. From the bathroom doorway she watched him in silence, loving the way his features knitted into a minute little frown as he read, totally oblivious to her watching him.

His tie was loose around his neck and one of the buttons on his shirt had come open, whether on purpose or by accident, she didn’t rightly know. His shoes had been discarded at the foot of the bed and his socks beside them, with his belt folded neatly on top of them.

Either he was trying to impress her with his tidiness or he was really just that well kept. Something told her the latter was the case. Still, there was something irresistibly attractive about seeing him looking relaxed (by his standards), with his tie askew and his guard down.

She crossed the room quietly, her sundress quietly swishing at her knees as she knelt across the bed and used her free hand to push his journal aside as her lips found his in a warm kiss. Even with her eyes closed, Belle could feel him smile against her lips

“Reading something interesting?” She questioned as she continued to kiss him, thereby delaying his answer for a solid minute.

“Not in the slightest.” He responded and with a flick of his hand, he whisked the journal in question off of the bed and instead, wrapped his arm around her waist to pull her closer to him. It was Belle’s turn to smile then as he placed tender kisses along her jaw and throat, prompting her to rumble with quiet laughter.

“I wouldn’t want to interrupt…” She trailed off as she nuzzled his cheek with her nose. Her fingers traced invisible patterns on his chest until she found the buttons of her shirt, which she toyed with but purposefully refrained from unbuttoning. In answer to her teasing his fingers traced across the planes of her neck exposed by the neckline of her dress until they came to a rest as he cradled a bit of her necklace in his palm. He smiled as she shivered at his touch but focused on the bit of jewelry, turning it over in his hand with interest.

“What’s this one, love?” He asked, genuine curiosity in his voice. Belle, more than a little distracted by his proximity and the intimacy of their gentle touches, took a moment to answer him.

“It…It was a gift. From Ruby.” She smiled as he looked the strand of pearls over approvingly before he bowed his head and delivered a kiss more heated than the last. His fingers continued to trace along her neck, skimming across the skin of her clavicle so feather-light it tickled. When at last he seemed to have satisfied himself with having teased her, his hands fell to cradle her where she sat on his lap, facing him.

“Ruby has lovely taste.” He commented, his eyes still drawn to the necklace about her throat and Belle blushed in response.

“I’ll remember to thank her for suggesting I wear it.” Belle returned shyly and he nodded his head at her, a smile stealing across his lips.

“Oh yes, I think you ought to…” He growled against her throat and she hummed a happy sound in response as she ran her fingers tenderly through his hair. They remained like that for some time, with her crushed against him and his face nuzzled into the crook between her neck and shoulder. It was a simple but meaningful thing, she thought, to be able to spend time with him simply enjoying his presence, no prying eyes or tuts of disapproval from their peers.

She was the one to stir first, prompting him to lift his head from her with a little noise of complaint which served only to elicit a soft laugh from her.

“Don’t pout; you’ll get a kink in your neck if we stay like this much longer.” She warned, though she could tell her words fell on deaf ears. The man would have bent himself into a pretzel and dealt with the pain if he got it into his mind to attempt it.

“Are you off to bed then?” He asked, doing his best to hide his disappointment as she smiled and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“Hardly; you were reading, before I interrupted you.” She commented and his brows rose as though she’d said something surprising. “What?” she questioned, confused. “Did I say something?” She asked.

“You’re planning on staying the night here then, are you?”

“Well that is the general idea of reserving a hotel room.” She teased with a grin and he shook his head, his own smile a bit strained.

“I didn’t want to assume… I just wasn’t certain-” He rambled uneasily and Belle tilted her head to the side as she watched him, entertained at being able to see him so on edge for once. It was rare and she couldn’t help but enjoy it.

“What are you trying to say?” She asked gently and he heaved a sigh before he faced her and spoke, this time more calmly.

“I booked two rooms for us, one for you and one for me. I wasn’t certain what you wanted our arrangements to be…I didn’t want to assume…” He trailed off, his cheeks coloring ever so slightly. Belle only stared at him appreciatively before she grasped him by the tie and tugged him to her for another kiss which she ended only grudgingly so she could speak to him.

“You’re a perfect gentleman.” She crooned, maintaining a tight hold on his tie. “But I don’t want to be anyplace other than here.” She murmured before placing a kiss to the tip of his nose, a shy smile slipping across her features as her lips strayed lower.

\-----

“Are you kidding me?”

“I don’t understand why this is so difficult for you to believe, Ruby.” Belle remarked as the pair stepped into the empty elevator and selected the surgical floor.

“Don’t understand?! Belle, he whisked you off for a _weekend away together_. I find it hard to believe that in forty eight uninterrupted hours of each other’s company, nothing happened.” Ruby complained, crossing her arms in front of her as she stared Belle down intently. The cardio resident just laughed, however, and shrugged.

“I don’t know what to tell you. It was all very tame, nothing untoward or improper. I met his niece and we spent the weekend visiting her. We met her the first day and then went back to the hotel to freshen up before we met her for dinner. We all had brunch the next day and then that night he and I did some wine tasting and dinner at a very upscale restaurant.” Belle smiled, recalling how very much she’d enjoyed hearing him describe the qualities of each wine. Something about his voice was thoroughly attractive and listening to him had put her in quite a besotted state.

“You’re telling me you went out of town together, drank wine together, stayed in the same hotel room – _together –_ and _nothing happened_?” Ruby repeated and Belle rolled her eyes.

“Well, he actually reserved two rooms for us.” Belle remarked with a shy smile and Ruby did a double take.

“He did what?”

“He said he didn’t want to be presumptuous so he got us two rooms so we could sleep separately.” Belle smiled and Ruby’s jaw dropped. As the elevator doors ‘binged’ and began to open, Belle put a finger to her friend’s jaw to shut it and smiled. “What’s the matter Ruby, cat got your tongue?” She remarked coyly before stepping off the elevator, Ruby hot on her heels.

“So did you?”

“Did I what?”

“Did you _stay in the same room_?” She asked, hungry for information on Belle’s weekend away. Before Belle could answer, however, her pager went off, informing her that Regina was paging her for an emergency.

“Sorry Ruby, duty calls!” Belle chirped brightly, waving her pager as she scampered off.

“You can’t just leave me mid-story!” Ruby complained, watching Belle dart off through the busy hallway with a quick wave of parting.

\-----

Belle made it down to the emergency room on the first floor to find Regina in one of the trauma rooms, barking orders to the ER staff. Nurse Blanchard was trying to convince a tall, visibly angry gentleman to leave the room but he was talking over her and trying to get closer to the patient in question, a long haired woman lying unconscious on the stretcher.

“Will someone _shut him up_?” Regina hissed as she put her stethoscope to the patient’s chest and listened intently.

“I will not ‘shut up’ I’m a _surgeon_!” The man retorted sharply, shrugging away Mary Margaret as if she were a fly. Before Belle could intercede, however, Regina snapped her gaze to him and pulled her stethoscope away.

“I don’t care if you’re the father of modern cardiovascular surgery, this is _my_ patient and this is _my_ hospital, not yours. So when _I_ tell you to get the hell out of my trauma room, you damn well _will_ or your friend here, is going to die and her blood will be on _your_ hands, _not_ mine.” She hissed, prompting the man to fall still as he glared back at her.

“I’ll be quiet but I stay in the room.” He remarked coldly and Regina’s frown deepened. It was at that point that Belle stepped in.

“Doctor Mills, if he’s insistent on staying perhaps we should just let him. He’ll only cause problems if we fight him.” She suggested and Regina shot her a dark glare but sniffed dismissively.

“Fine Mister-…” She paused expectantly, placing particular emphasis on the word ‘mister’; it was apparent she refused to grant him the courtesy of the title ‘doctor’. He ground his teeth in response but answered her.

“ _Doctor_. I’m a surgeon at Nostos Memorial Hospital. My fiancée happens to be the woman on the table.” He managed, all while avoiding giving her their names and Regina was quick to butt in.

“Well _Sir_ , you are not at Nostos Memorial Hospital; you are at Storybrooke General so I suggest you step out of the room now or I will have security escort you out. Your fiancée has a pericardial effusion and if you don’t get out of my way so I can take her up to surgery, she will die.” Regina explained as she narrowed her eyes at him and waited for his next move. To his credit, the man gave no outward sign of being intimidated.

“I _know_ she has a pericardial effusion. She suffers from hypothyroidism which led to a bacterial infection that caused the fluid to build up around her heart. The inflammation has been managed with colchicines; she doesn’t _want_ surgery.” He explained, his voice swelling with anger.

“While I appreciate the medical history, now is not the time or place. She _needs_ surgery and she needs it now!” Regina demanded but the man stood firm, blocking the doorway with his body to bar the gurney bearing his fiancée from leaving.

“No one will lay a finger on her until I’ve talked with your Chief of Surgery.” He sniffed, bound and determined that he would have his way on this matter. “Who would that be?”

Belle had just opened her mouth to answer him when a raspy voice from the gurney at her side beat her to it, the woman they’d been working on apparently having regained consciousness enough to answer her fiancée’s question.

“It's Doctor Gold; my ex-husband.” She intoned gravely, her eyes dark as she faced her fiancé. “He's the Chief. And I will  _not_ have him told that I am here." She growled darkly as her partner came to her side and clutched her hand tightly. The woman, Millie, Belle's brain registered slowly, looked up at Regina, her eyes dark.

"If you're going to do surgery on me, he's not allowed to be in the room. No one can breathe so much as a word of it to him." 


	4. Fault Lines

Belle followed Regina out of the trauma room slowly, feeling numb as the Head of Cardio strode quickly toward the employee lounge, glancing back regularly to be sure Belle was still with her. When they got to the lounge it was blessedly empty and so Regina ushered her young pupil inside and shut the door hurriedly.

"Doctor Mills we have to tell Chief Gold about his ex-wife!" Belle spouted instantly, her emotions getting the best of her. Regina only shook her head, eye blazing as she stared down the younger woman.

"No. That is exactly what we will _not_ be doing. The patient has told us her wishes in no uncertain terms. She doesn't want Gold to know and she has that right. He's her ex, French. Of course she doesn't want him knowing and potentially being in that OR." Regina snapped condescendingly and Belle recoiled, knowing that technically speaking, she was in the wrong. But something inside her twisted painfully at the notion of keeping secrets such as this from her boyfriend. Was it possible for something to be morally right  _and_ wrong at once? 

"When he finds out, he's going to be _furious_ with us." Belle murmured, more to herself than to Regina but the surgeon snorted at the remark.

"Let him be furious. If he can't control himself, the man doesn't deserve to be acting as Chief. It isn't our job to judge our patient's choices, French; it's our job to _save her life_. Regardless of who that upsets." Regina directed harshly, her features still stern as she stepped closer to the brunette resident.

"Now, can I trust you to keep this to yourself? Or am I going to have to worry about my best student losing her medical license for breaking patient confidentiality?" Regina asked and Belle fidgeted uncomfortably for a moment until her conscience chimed in quietly in the back of her head.

 _You have to respect Doctor-patient confidentiality. You took an oath_. She reminded herself and with a sigh, Belle nodded.

"Good. Then I need you to get me a 2D transthoracic echo of this thing. We need to know how bad this pericardial effusion is _before_ we cut her open."

"What about Gold? You can't put her name on the board he'll see it. He'll know." Belle questioned and Regina's eyes narrowed.

"Doctor French tell me, what do you value more? Your relationship with the Chief of Surgery or your future career as a Cardiothoracic Surgeon? Because you're going to have to choose between them." Regina growled, clearly none too concerned about her superior's wrath. "And if you break that oath then rest assured - I _will_ have you stripped of your license to practice medicine." Regina warned.

The room was still as silence grew between the two women, Regina staring hard at her pupil and Belle returning the woman's stare, her heart fracturing.

"I took an oath and I'll honor it." Belle stated at last, her voice clear and unusually cold. "But don't deign to tell me that I have to choose between my work life and my love life." She retorted and Regina shook her head, less than impressed.

"You'll see eventually. Everyone does." She returned coolly and Belle was struck by the memory of how attached Regina had gotten to the young patient they'd had during her intern year - Henry. For that matter, Emma Swan had gotten attached too and Belle was struck by the realization that both women lacked children of their own.

Was this what Regina meant? Was it really not possible to have both? Would it all really come down to surgery or a personal life? And if it did, would she be able to choose one great love over the other?

"This job and my relationship with Chief Gold are _not_ mutually exclusive." Belle whispered defiantly as Regina's hand lit on the door handle. The surgeon glanced back at her, once more serious.

"As a matter of fact, Doctor French, today? _They are_."

\-----

Belle felt as if she'd been plunged in an ice bath as she went about obtaining the necessary scans of Millie Gold's heart. By the time she'd finished, it was obvious that the woman would need a pericardial window in order to relieve the effusion around her heart. Normally a diagnosis that would relieve a patient's suffering made Belle indescribably happy but knowing that Millie Gold was going to be in this hospital for any period of time and Chief Gold left in the dark about it? That thought made Belle feel rather nauseous, truth be told.

So it was that she was staring blankly at the computer screen as she looked up information on pericardial windows when Ruby found her.

" _There_ you are. I can't believe you ran off and left me hanging like that. So, what's the deal? Did you stay the night with Gold? More importantly _what happened_ when you did? Because you did stay, didn't you? Please tell me you stayed." Ruby pressed her friend for information, dropping a stack of charts into the bin as she prowled closer to her friend, intent on getting information.

Belle looked up at her friend, not having registered a word she'd said and offered her a distant, small smile.

"Oh, hi Ruby."

Ruby stopped in her tracks and put a hand to her hip as she tilted her head to the side, puzzled by her friend's uncharacteristic behavior.

"Belle, what's wrong?" She asked as she seated herself beside her friend and Belle continued to stare at the computer screen, reading but not taking in a word of the information.

"It's nothing, what were you saying Ruby?" Belle shook her head, trying to dispel the black cloud hanging over her with no degree of success.

"I _was_ asking about your weekend away so I could discern just how well it went but clearly something else is on your mind." Ruby frowned grabbing the arm of Belle's wheely chair and turning it so her friend was facing her. "What's wrong?"

"I...it's nothing Ruby. It'll be fine." Belle murmured, massaging her temples as she focused on what her friend had been saying moments ago. "The um, the weekend was great. I did stay the night with him." She recounted flatly, though in spite of everything the corners of her lips had the faintest hint of a smile as the memories came to her. "It...it was perfect." She declared, the faintest blush creeping into her cheeks.

"I _knew it_." Ruby crowed victoriously, spinning in her chair with raised arms as if she'd won some epic challenge. "That's my girl. Okay, next question but equally if not more so important - how was he?" Ruby questioned but before Belle could sidestep answering her, a warm voice cut through them, making Belle's skin prickle with goose bumps.

"I _do_  hope I'm not interrupting you ladies."

Belle clicked a link to take her away from the page on pericardial windows and spun in her chair to find her boyfriend, perfectly put together as always with a tie in her favorite shade of blue with thin gold lines dissecting it diagonally. His white lab coat obscured the rest of the no doubt immaculate ensemble and in his hands were two cups of coffee from the shop down the street that was absolutely delicious.

"Not at all." Ruby responded with a smirk as she turned to pretend to focus on the computer in front of her as Gold extended a hand to Belle and offered her one of the cups of coffee.

"I thought I'd surprise you." He grinned at her and she gulped as she accepted the cup with a strained smile. As soon as the coffee was out of his hands though, Gold leaned into her and took her off guard with a sudden kiss, the kind which would certainly have violated her 'no PDAs at work' rule. Belle kissed him back and for a moment she could almost pretend that she wasn't carrying this massive burden, that everything was fine and he was just surprising her at work and being his usual, impish self. When at last they split apart he stared at her appraisingly and then glanced at her computer screen with a grin. 

"Pacemaker surgeries? Must be a slow day on Cardio." He winked and Belle frowned for a moment and then followed his gaze to the computer, realizing that she must have clicked on a link to take her to page outlining atrium and ventricle conditions for pacemakers.

"Oh. Umm, yes well. The patient needs it, so..." Belle trailed with a little shrug, not exactly skilled at making up lies, let alone on the spot, with her boyfriend staring at her, practically drinking her up with his eyes.

"I had a wonderful weekend." He purred in her ear as he finally pulled away and Belle had to scramble to collect her thoughts as her head continued to spin in the combined wake of their kiss, her lie, and the secret she bore.

"I-I did too." She responded, unable to contain the smile that split across her face. "It was... _amazing_." She intoned softly and she was pleased to note the barest coloring of his cheeks to indicate his own pleasant embarrassment at her approval.

"Well, don't make plans for after your shift." He directed her. "I have another surprise for you." He grinned and then leaned in sharply to steal another kiss before he departed, his stride jaunty as he walked acros the floor and out of sight. Belle was still reeling when Ruby spun her chair to face Belle, her jaw dropped as she stared at her friend with sparkling eyes.

" _Well then_. I guess we know _someone_ enjoyed your weekend festivities." Ruby chortled but Belle only paled at the thought of how much her boyfriend would _not_ enjoy anything if he knew what she was keeping from him.

"I think I'm going to be sick." Belle gasped and Ruby stared at her with wide eyes as Belle grabbed the trashcan nearby and her stomach heaved.

\-----

Belle sighed as she checked her watch, realizing she was supposed to have been off nearly a half hour ago but well aware that there was no way Regina would let her go with Millie Gold's surgery still to attend to. The procedure had been pushed back after Regina had been paged down to the ER and though Belle would normally have accompanied her mentor and gotten in on a few emergent surgeries, Regina had found it prudent to leave her to man the Cardio floor, saying that Belle was 'too distracted' to be of any use to her.

It wasn't an untrue statement. 

Still, the lack of sleep and the stress of keeping the truth from Gold were getting to her. The life of a surgeon, though comprised of sleepless nights, wasn't supposed to be quite _this hard_ , she thought. Though, if hospital lore was anything to go off of, you knew that when you started to forfeit any kind of life outside the surgical floor, you were probably becoming successful.

For whatever reason, that notion didn't particularly excite Belle.

“What sort of pacemaker did you go with?” Gold's voice washed over her as he approached her from behind, leaning over the nurse's station as he pressed a kiss to her cheek, taking the young woman off guard. Belle looked up in surprise, returning the kiss halfheartedly and feeling her heart hammer at the sight of her significant other.

"What's that?"

"Your patient that you were discussing earlier with me; what did you and Regina opt to go with for the pacemaker?" He queried brightly and Belle knew he was feigning interest in such a boring procedure purely for her benefit. It would have made her beam if it weren't for the fact that she felt like she was betraying him every second she did not tell him about Millie being in the hospital.

"Umm... we decided on dual chamber, I think." Belle murmured distractedly and he frowned at her; clearly this cover-up business was not Belle's forte.

"You think?" He repeated, none too convinced.

"I know." Belle corrected, flipping shut Millie Gold's chart and stuffing it away with the rest as she walked out from around the nurse's station and took the arm he offered her. "Dual chamber; his atrium and ventricles need it desperately.” Belle responded carefully as she tried to recall the information that had been on the page she'd accidentally pulled up. Wordlessly, her hand sought his while he knitted their fingers together as he guided her slowly away at a leisurely walk.

“Outpatient procedure?”

“No, Doctor Mills will keep him overnight for observation, just to be safe.” Belle remarked casually and her boyfriend nodded in understanding before he turned suddenly, guiding her to the right of the hospital exit. Frowning, Belle looked at him in confusion.

“Are we going somewhere?” She queried and he deflated, instantly wary and self conscious.

"Dinner? Or did you forget I wanted to surprise you, dearie?" He asked and there was such sorrow and disappointment written on his face that Belle just wanted to pull him to her for a kiss.

"I-I'm so sorry. I forgot. It's been a horribly long day and I-" Belle babbled suddenly but he shushed her with a finger to her lips.

"We've already missed our reservation; the board meeting running long saw to that. But I still have something in mind, if you're willing." He offered and she could practically see him trying and failing not to get his hopes up.

But Belle was well aware that she had a surgery in forty five minutes to prepare for. Still, if she could get through dinner quickly and send him home with a kiss, he'd be gone for the entirety of the procedure and would need never know that his ex-wife had been present within the hospital at all.

"Of course I'm willing." She breathed, watching the smile spread across his face as he led her down a hallway that she recognized only as the Dermatology wing because of the neatly labeled sign that labeled it as such. A few turns more and he opened a door and gestured for her to enter first with a flourish.

The office was empty save for a short file cabinet and a pair of chairs. But it wasn’t so much the furniture that grabbed her attention as it was the furniture’s _arrangement_.

The chairs were positioned around the cabinet as if it were a table and a surgical drape was lying on top of the cabinet like a table cover. A pair of hospital trays rested on top of it, laden with food.

“Did... _Did you do this_?” She asked as she turned to look at him and he grinned back at her.

"I might have been so inclined." He smirked and she stared at it in utter surprise.

"What's the occasion?" She asked in wonder and his smile only grew as he pulled out a chair for her and then pushed it in for her once she'd seated herself on it.

“The occasion is _us_. We haven’t had much of a chance to be a couple since we announced our relationship and I thought this was as good a time as any for me to treat you to a bit of dinner. Surgeries and meetings interfering did nothing to diminish my desire to spoil you.” He explained.

“Thank you.” She breathed in relief and suddenly she was on her feet with her arms around his neck, pressing a grateful kiss to his lips while his hands fumbled at her waist, taken aback by the sincerity of her words and the kiss that had followed them.

“… You, you _like_ it?” He asked incredulously as he seated himself across from her, baffled by her appreciation of his attempt at dinner.

“ _Like it_? I _love_ it! This is _perfect_.” She beamed and this time her smile was not at all forced as she picked up the plastic wrapped disposable fork and napkin beside her tray.

He looked at her in wonder for some moments, apparently surprised that his last ditch effort had been so well received.

“So, what do we have?” Belle asked curiously and he quickly swept a hand over the food choices.

“Well, we have a _lovely_ selection of premade sandwiches in the turkey club and ham varieties. There’s a fine selection of fruit – you’ve got your basic apple, banana and then an orange. That grey stuff that looks dreadful but is actually quite delicious and then there’s carrot sticks, potato chips and for dessert there’s a selection of blueberry muffins and oatmeal raisin cookies.” He finished with a flourish.

Belle surveyed the table with a smile that quickly became pained; he was going so out of his way, he was trying _so hard_ to please her and she was going out of her way to do the opposite, reasons be damned.

"Belle is...is there something wrong, little lamb?" He asked and Belle gave a quick sniff and lifted her gaze, shaking her head and forcing a smile.

"Nothing. It's perfect. Thank you...this is more than I could have asked for." She smiled and grabbed his hand across the makeshift table. He returned her smile and for a few moments the two sat staring at each other happily before Gold seemed to find himself again.

"Well, better not let these get....warm?" He offered with a sheepish grin as he set about unwrapping the sandwiches and handed her one brightly.

\-----

A page from Regina served as a perfect opportunity to cut their dinner short and though her boyfriend was sorry to see her go, he seemed rather pleased at how well his dinner had gone over. She left him at the hospital exit with a kiss and a promise to talk to him after she got off and then she was darting back into the hospital and up to the surgical floor.

She sent a pair of interns to prep Millie Gold for surgery and though Belle felt badly for not doing the chore herself something about the notion of speaking with the woman didn't sit right with her. Besides, having the interns do it offered her a bit more time to look into the process more before they went into surgery.

As she sat at the computer reading, however, Belle felt her stomach churn uneasily and clutched it, wondering if eating dinner had been such a good idea after all. The grey stuff, while delicious, had been very sweet and just thinking of how sweet the food had been had her suddenly feeling nauseous again.

Belle was still holding her stomach when she laid her head on the cool surface of the desk and tried to breathe, feeling suddenly hot and cold all at once when a shadow fell across the doorway.

"Belle something's clearly wrong you shouldn't be going into surgery." Ruby intoned from the entrance of the room, staring at her friend with concern.

"I'm not sick Ruby, I promise. I know what's wrong and it's not the flu."

"I never said I thought it was the flu, Belle." Ruby retorted under hear breath and Belle shot her friend a look and shook her head as she stood up to go, only to find Ruby barring her way with crossed arms and a scowl.

"It's fine." Belle whispered back, turning her eyes away from her friend, only to catch sight of her interns wheeling Millie Gold past and into the surgical suite. Once again, Belle felt her stomach roll and she dove past Ruby and ran for the nearest supply cabinet. Ducking inside, she snatched up a trashcan and cradled it to her stomach while she forced herself to breathe. Ruby followed her, her eyes critical as she shut the door firmly behind her.

"Belle, tell me what's going on."

"I thought I was going to be sick again, it's fine though. It passed." Belle waved away her friend but Ruby only narrowed her eyes at her.

"Tell me what's wrong."

"I can't tell you, Ruby." Belle responded morosely and Ruby stared at her friend hard.

"You know you can trust me, Belle."

"I know. But I can't tell you this. I can't tell _anyone_ this." Belle sighed, brushing off her lab coat as she straightened herself out and took a deep breath. "Maybe someday. But not today." She offered and Ruby looked at her best friend sadly as the brunette opened the door and ghosted down the hallway.

\-----

"Everything alright, Doctor French?" Regina questioned pointedly as Belle stepped into the surgical suite, gulping at the sight of her boyfriend's ex-wife under anesthesia and on the table.

"Yes, Doctor Mills." Belle responded reservedly, stepping up next to Regina and surveying the dark haired woman they were about to cut into.

"Then you can walk me through what we're doing here today. I assume you've studied?" Doctor Mills queried and Belle knew the woman was testing her, ensuring that Belle's mind was on the task at hand and not on the gross sense of betrayal she was feeling.

"A pericardial window surgery creates a fistula from the pericardial space to the pleural cavity, which will allow the effusion to drain to the chest cavity. A sub-xiphoid incision is the common method of doing so." Belle stated robotically, the numb feeling returning to her limbs.

"Good, Doctor French." Regina stated crisply as she picked up the scalpel. "I'm glad nothing... _else_ got in the way of your preparations for surgery." She intoned and Belle could practically _hear_ the smile in her words as the dark haired surgeon began the process of opening Millie Gold up.

And all the while, Belle's stomach continued to roil.

It wasn't until it came time to actually cut the pericardial window that Regina chose to acknowledge her again, extending the scalpel toward the younger surgeon.

"Doctor Mills?" Belle asked, confused as the doctor continued to extend the scalpel toward her.

"I think a simple sub-xiphoid incision is well within the scope of your skills, Doctor French." Regina stated, staring at the scalpel pointedly. When Belle hesitated, the surgeon's eyes narrowed.

"I won't make this kind of offer again, Doctor French." Regina intoned sharply and Belle gulped, her stomach once more unsettled as she took the scalpel at last.

"T-Thank you, Doctor Mills." She choked out and the older surgeon nodded approvingly as Belle squared her shoulders and made the incision. Belle was keenly aware of her mentor standing by her side, watching on approvingly.

"Suction." Belle murmured, carefully suctioning away the effluent as Regina nodded in seeming approval. "Does that look right, Doctor Mills?" Belle asked, dimly aware of the surgical suite doors opening as another figure strode inside. When the surgeon didn't answer, Belle looked up at the woman, only to see that she was staring at something on the other side of the room. Following Regina's gaze, Belle very nearly dropped the scalpel in her hand into the body cavity as she saw her boyfriend standing opposite her, his eye blazing angrily.

"What in the _hell_ is going on in here?" He asked sharply and Belle felt her heart hammer relentlessly in her chest and her stomach twist into a thousand painful knots.

"We're in the middle of a surgery, in case you couldn't tell." Regina replied snippily and Belle watched her boyfriend's free hand curl into an angry fist.

"I can _see that_!" He retorted, taking an angry step forward. "I'm more interested on why the _hell_ I wasn't informed." He pressed, his eyes on Regina.

"Last I checked, routine procedures don't need to be run up the flagpole Chief Gold." Regina answered him in a honeyed tone and Belle feared he might throw a punch at her, the way Gold's face was reddening.

"You know damn well who you have on your table and we both know I should have been informed." He hissed but Regina only drew herself up to her full height and stared at him fearlessly.

"The patient specifically requested to the contrary and I'm afraid Doctor-Patient confidentiality trumps your sentiments on this matter, _Chief_." Regina bit back and Gold glared daggers at her, looking as if he'd fancy nothing more than to take a scalpel and shove it through her heart.

"Professional courtesy means nothing to you, I see." He remarked, though it was painfully obvious that he didn't have a leg to stand on as far as this argument was concerned.

"Not when given the choice between courtesy and my license to practice, no." Regina smiled pleasantly. Belle gripped the scalpel in her hand tightly, the cold metal digging into the flesh of her palm.

"Well isn't that good to know." He remarked darkly. It was only then, when he'd finished with Regina that his eyes swept over Belle and the look he gave her was so cold, so _hurt,_ she felt as if her heart was in her throat, trying to rip itself from her body to escape her own pain.

"Chief Gold-" Belle called out to him hoarsely but his only response to her was to throw a hand back at her over his shoulder before he stormed out of the OR and slammed the door behind him, leaving Belle, Regina, and his ex-wife open on the table.

And then, everything went black.


	5. Dissolution

When Belle awoke she was lying in an on call room bed with Ruby at the foot of the bed scribbling away at a chart. As soon as she noticed Belle stirring though, she shut the file she had been working on and put a hand on her friend.

"Easy there slugger, you've got some wires to watch out for." Ruby murmured and Belle realized that there was a bag of fluids strung up beside her, attached to her arm by an IV. She gave a low groan and touched her head, which was bandaged and throbbing.

"Yeah, you kinda passed out in surgery and tile isn't really great at breaking a fall. But hey, they ruled out a concussion!" Ruby chirped brightly as she helped her friend to sit up.

"I passed out?" She asked and Ruby nodded.

"That's what they told me. You were pretty dehydrated, what with all the throwing up you've been doing. Tell me, when was the last time you drank something and kept it down, hmm?" Ruby inquired and Belle only grimaced in response. "That's what I thought." Ruby sighed and shook her head.

Silence fell between the pair of them as Belle wriggled her fingers and toes and took stock of what hurt. Her head was pounding and she felt groggy but otherwise alright, all things considered. That was, until she remembered the look her boyfriend had given her as he stormed out of her surgery.

"Ruby where's Chief Gold?" Belle asked, her eyes wild.

"Gold? He went home hours ago. I haven't seen him. I don't think he knows...do you want me to call him?" Ruby asked but Belle shook her head violently for a moment, and then stopped since doing so made her head spin.

"No. No, don't call him. I don't want him to know." She hurried, one hand rubbing gently at her temples. Ruby went stock still at that point, staring Belle down fiercely.

"Belle, tell me the truth." Ruby intoned seriously as she leaned in toward her friend, her eyes dark. "What's going on?"

"Ruby, we've been through this, I can't tell you." Belle pleaded weakly but Ruby refused to relent.

"You don't want to tell me? Fine. I'll guess. You just tell me if I'm right or wrong." Ruby offered, not waiting to see if Belle would accept before she plunged ahead after taking a long, deep breath.

"Belle, are you pregnant?"

Belle fell still and her eyes bulged as she looked at her friend, initially thinking she was joking. Ruby's expression, however, left no room for doubt; she was entirely serious.

"What?! No, Ruby, no I'm not...I'm _not_ pregnant." Belle blushed, shaking her head. "I'm stressed and I'm pretty sure my boyfriend is about ready to either fire me or break up with me or both. But I'm not pregnant. Not at all." She assured her friend, who surveyed her critically for a moment before she relaxed and seemed to accept what Belle had said.

"Okay well, if you're not pregnant you really need to sort things out with Gold because puking your guts up and passing out in surgeries isn't going to fly. Regina's furious. Mal was afraid to admit you officially because then Regina would know where you were. She had me stick you in here and lock the door so you could recover before you have to face that witch you call a boss." Ruby muttered and Belle laughed hoarsely at her friend's sour commentary on Regina.

"She _should_ be angry with me Ruby. What kind of idiot doesn't hydrate before surgery? This is mortifying." Belle sighed and shook her head in disappointment. As always, she was her own harshest critic, though if Regina was as angry as Ruby said, perhaps her boss would be a harsher critic today.

"Belle, ease up on yourself; so you messed up. Everyone has off days. It'll blow over." Ruby advised, though Belle's concerns were, for once, less on professional matters and instead, on matters of the heart.

"I hope so." She murmured meekly, her eyes following the lines of the fluids they were pumping her full of. "Would Mal kill you if I didn't finish this bag of fluids? I need to go talk to Regina...and to Gold." Belle explained and Ruby didn't even look up from her chart as she responded.

"Mal wouldn't, no, but that would imply that I'm okay with letting you go. Which I'm not." Ruby remarked casually. "You passed out. Your love life and any troubles associated with it can wait until the rest of those fluids are in you." Ruby stated firmly. Belle bit her lip in frustration but nodded stiffly; Ruby was, after all, just trying to look out for her best interest.

Even if what was best for her physically was wreaking havoc on her heart.

\-----

"Come on, come on...pick _up!_ " Belle pleaded desperately a half hour later but the phone still went straight to voicemail, much to her dismay. Earlier it had at least rung and she could pretend he was just missing her calls but now? Now it was plain to Belle that her boyfriend was actively avoiding her and had resorted to turning off his phone.

"He's still not answering?" Ruby asked as she reentered the room and handed her friend a bottle of water. Belle accepted it gratefully but shook her head.

"We've moved past 'not answering' and into 'blatantly ignoring' now." Belle sighed and dropped her phone beside her on the bed before she cradled her head in her hands.

"Hey, no Belle don't think like that. Maybe the phone died? He might not be ignoring you." Ruby offered weakly as she sat down beside Belle but the brunette just shook her head.

"Ruby I'm one of only two people with that phone number. He keeps that on his person at all times in case of emergency. I sincerely doubt he let it die." Belle murmured as she lifted her head and stared hard at the wall across from her. Silence fell over the two as Ruby sat wordlessly beside her friend, uncertain what to say or do.

Then, Belle pushed aside the blankets and with a flick of her hand, she yanked the IV out of her and flung it away.

"I've got enough fluids now Ruby, I'm going."

"Belle, you passed out, you need rest!"

"No. I need to set things right with my boyfriend." Belle corrected, stepping past Ruby's outstretched hands. "I appreciate the concern Ruby but I'm as fine as medicine can make me. Now I need to talk with him." She stated firmly. On this, she would not yield.

Belle left the room quickly and strode down the hall, intent on getting to her locker to grab her things and go. What she hadn't counted on, however, was Regina. The woman was standing at the nurse's station, scribbling away hastily at a chart while Nurse Blanchard observed her warily and from a distance. Regina forgot about the chart entirely though the moment she met Belle's gaze.

"Well if it isn't Doctor French. How nice to see you on your feet and conscious." Regina smiled menacingly and Belle recoiled inwardly, well aware that she deserved the slight for failing to hydrate. Passing out in surgery was definitely worthy of a scolding and some public humiliation.

"Doctor Mills, I can't begin to apologize enough, I am so sorry, I w-"

"Save it, Doctor French." Regina interrupted, holding a hand up before the young doctor. "I _was_ furious with you. I'm not anymore. You passed out. Can I rest assured that you won't make that mistake again?" She inquired. Belle stared at the woman uncertainly and then nodded. Something was wrong; Regina was _never_ this understanding or quick to forgive.

"I promise, Doctor Mills, I will be certain to hydrate in the future." Belle declared and Regina smiled sweetly.

"Of course not. And to be sure, there will be a future, Doctor French. Your conduct today proved to me just how... _dedicated_ you are to your career here. And to the education I continue to give you." She beamed and Belle felt her heart sink as understanding dawned.

Regina was only pleased because Gold was _furious_ ; when he'd entered the surgical suite, that much had been obvious. And because Belle had played her role and respected the patient's wishes by keeping her secret, Regina felt that Belle had chosen her mentor and career over her boyfriend and personal life.

The only reason Regina wasn't chewing her head off was because she was too busy relishing the sweet taste of her enemy's anger and hurt.

"T-Thank you, Doctor Mills." Belle choked out, though her voice was hollow.

"I'll see you tomorrow Doctor French; rest well." Regina's honeyed voice reached Belle's ears as the surgeon practically strutted away, thoroughly pleased with herself. Belle looked to Nurse Blanchard who made eye contact and gave a cautionary shake of her head and then Belle was running for her things, intent on getting to her boyfriend.

As happy as Regina was, he would have to be proportionately angry.

\-----

Belle had never particularly loved her boyfriend's quarters.

The place was spacious and richly furnished but had a distinct emptiness about it that made it far from homey. Though the fixtures and decor bespoke of the money the owner possessed, there were few personal touches to give the living space any sense of being truly lived in. It was ominous and Belle was reminded of that on the doorstep as she lifted the brass knocker and let it fall, the thunderous boom startling her even though she'd heard it before.

She waited for a long while without answer before she knocked again. By the fourth knock she was getting angry and by the seventh she was done waiting. She knew he was home; he wasn't in his office or anywhere to be found in the hospital or the place he liked to frequent for a post-shift drink. That left only his apartment or hers and he certainly wasn't at her place.

"We need to talk!" She called, rapping continuously with the knocker. When her pleas elicited no response she sagged against the door and slid to sit on the stoop, tired and angry and confused. It was only then, when she was putting her head in her hands to tentatively touch the bandaged portion, that the door swung open and she nearly bowled her boyfriend over as she fell inside with a grunt.

"Well?"

He was dressed in a pair of black slacks with a pale gray dress shirt unbottoned about his neck and a black and dark grey striped tie askew and loose. It was the least put together she'd seen him and it was unsettling in the extreme.

"Is that your way of saying hello and come on in?" Belle asked in a grumble as she stood up, unassisted by him as he watched her mutely. When he said nothing she sighed and, dusting herself off, walked inside.

"We need to talk. Please, let me tell my side of the story."  Belle began, clasping her hands in front of herself guiltily. It wasn't at all what he thought it was and really she shouldn't feel guilty but she did. Never had it been her intention to cause him such distress.

"I really don't think I have anything to say to you, dearie. And I don't think you have anything to say that I wish to hear." He remarked coolly as he closed the door behind her and crossed his arms before himself sullenly.

Belle felt her mouth drop and her brows furrow at his words, disbelief and stubborn pride prickling at his words.

"I think we do. You're angry at me and we need to discuss it." She countered, doing her best to remain level headed.  He shook his head in amusement and scoffed at her as if she were no more than a confused little girl.

"Angry at you? Oh no. That would imply that I care at all. And I don't. Not anymore." He retorted sharply, his teeth showing as he practically hissed the words at her.

"You don't care anymore? Because the way you stormed in and out of that OR would indicate otherwise." Belle commented, folding her arms before her stubbornly.

"Yes well, generally I like to be advised what's going on in _my_ hospital. Particularly when the goings-on include my ex-wife." He snarled, dropping his arms as he walked away from her and further into the apartment, Belle stalking along behind him.

"I couldn't tell you! The patient specific-"

"-Millie!" He snapped, his voice a restrained roar. Belle blinked at him, surprised to have been interrupted for such a reason as this.

"I-.... _what_?"

"Her name is Millie. Say it. Millie Gold. The woman that tried to take my boy from me. The woman that allowed Aurora to be all but abandoned. This is the woman who has nearly destroyed everything I have ever worked for, ever loved. So say her name. Think about what she's done when you discuss how you betrayed me to protect her. To protect _Regina_." He snarled, leaving Belle in stunned silence for some many moments.

"That's what this is? You think I betrayed you for Millie and Regina? _Never_!" She gaped at him like a fish out of water but he was having none of it. He snorted at her words and laughed, but his voice held no joy as he did so.

"Never? Well pigs must be flying because 'never' is happening today, dearie. You did just that. Honestly, I'm surprised I didn't see it coming, really, but I suppose after a year I was beginning to buy the act." He gestured to her angrily and Belle grew stiff.

"The _act_? What are you talking about?" She responded tersely. "I haven't been 'acting' with you. I've been genuine all along."  

"Genuine? You call it genuine when you used me to pass your intern exam? Or when you used me to get you on Regina's service? Genuine. You haven't been genuine a day we were together. Well, that's done." He spat, his lip curling in disgust.

"What are you talking about? I never used you!" She defended herself but he didn't even seem to be listening as he rolled his eyes at her. "And what do you mean 'that's done'?" She continued, even though, really, she already knew. Still, she wouldn't be the one to say the words. She wouldn't be the one to walk away; Belle wasn't the kind to run from something. She was the kind that fought for what she loved.

"I think we both know." He shot back darkly, plainly refusing to meet her gaze as he turned away from her. That discourtesy was more than Belle would accept though. If he was going to end things, he could at least meet her eyes.

"Look at me and say it then, if you really mean it. Because I won't." She intoned sharply, jutting her chin out proudly. "I'm here, fighting for this. For _us_. Because _I know_ how I feel about you and I know you feel the same way. So I'm not running. I'm here, fighting for the man that I love even if he is being a complete buffoon."

Belle stepped forward, determined to look upon his face, to look into his eyes and remind him with a gentle touch that this, _their relationship_ , was worth so much more than one paltry fight, one tiny mistake. But as her hand reached his shoulder he spun and caught her wrist with his hand to stop her, stepping away from the touch as though she were diseased.

"You're wrong. You don't know a damn thing about me. If you did, you wouldn't have lied to me, gone behind my back and betrayed me-"

"I was _doing my job_! I wasn't betraying you! I wanted to tell you but Millie and Regina expressly forbid it!" Belle defended herself but he was having none of it.

"You had a choice; you chose this job. Doing so effectively ended this." He stated dismissively, motioning between them with one hand.

"You're willing to throw everything we had away because I didn't break hospital policy and violate patient confidentiality laws? _Really_?" She asked, scorn entering her voice. "No, I don't buy it. I _love you_. Do you think it was easy, not telling you? It was _agonizing!_ " She cried, her hands balling into fists.

"Oh yes, it must have been terribly painful, earning yourself a front row seat to the surgery and a chance to do part of the surgery solo. How very hard it must have been." He intoned sarcastically as he poured himself a glass of whiskey, still not looking at her.

"You think what....that I chose Regina over you? Work over our relationship? What happened today has nothing to do with our relationship; I was doing my job! What are you really afraid of? Because this isn't why you're running from this. You're scared because  you care about someone again. And the last time you let yourself care, you lost them. But you won't lose me unless you chose to." She declared, grabbing for him again and this time successfully turning him and forcing him to look her in the eyes.

They stood there, face to face and silent for what felt like an eternity, her hand still on his shoulder and one of his hands still clenched about the glass of amber liquid.

"We're through." He growled through gritted teeth, his face impassive even as she flinched away in disbelief and hurt. "I'll speak with Human Resources in the morning and inform them that this has...'run its course'." He gestured carelessly and Belle felt her blood rising.

"Just like that?" She asked in a strained whisper. "You said you loved me. This isn't how you treat someone that you love." She pointed out, trying to make him see the error of his choice.

"I said a great deal of things, as I recall. That doesn't make them true." He snapped as he walked away from her and to the front door. Belle, however, was rooted to the spot, unmoving as everything in her seemed to go cold at once and then her temper flared, hotter than before.

"So that's it? You're saying you didn't really love me. It was just a lie. Hmm?" She demanded, her voice rising with anger as she stalked toward the door which he held open for her now. He once more refused her gaze and Belle could not take it any longer.

He wasn't fighting for her. He was holding the door open and shooing her away like she was dust on his doorstep. It was that which stung greater than his claim to not have loved her.  That she knew to be a falsehood but they always said actions spoke louder than words and his actions were screaming at her now.

"You're lying." She fumed, her tone sharp.

"Don't draw it out Belle, the jilted lover doesn't suit you." He retorted, holding the door open all the wider. "Just go."

The air seemed to turn to ice around them as Belle stared at him, wide eyed in disbelief. Never had he _ever_ spoken to her in such a way. And even if she still believed that it was just a facade, just his way of protecting himself, it _hurt_.

"Someday, you're going to realize what a mistake this is." Belle warned as she met him in the doorway. "And you're going to regret it." She choked out, looking him over one last time before she drew her scarf about her neck.

"Goodbye." Belle whispered and then, without a backward glance, she brushed past him and out into the cold.


	6. Tailspin

"Did you two talk?" Ruby asked when Belle walked into their shared apartment later that night. Belle didn't meet her friend's gaze and instead walked into the kitchen, tossing her purse onto the counter haphazardly.

"I _tried_ to talk, _he_ didn't want to listen." Belle summed up, emotion choking off her voice as she grabbed up a bottle of wine and poured a generous serving into a wine glass. Ruby watched with raised brows.

"That bad, huh?" She asked with a sad wince. "Belle, I'm sure he'll come around in the morning. It's a fight. He just needs to sleep on it and then you can work things out." Ruby tried to comfort her friend as the brunette walked into the living room and sat down beside her.

"It wasn't a fight Ruby. It was a _breakup_." Belle confessed as she swirled the red liquid in her cup and then drank deeply. Beside her, Ruby had just taken a sip of water and, at Belle's words, spluttered and coughed as she choked down the liquid.

"You _what?_ " She exclaimed in shock. "No! Belle, this was all just a terrible misunderstanding, go talk to him! I'm sure you can work it out."

" _I_ wanted to work it out. _He_ didn't. He dumped me." Belle murmured as she stared into her glass and then set it aside disinterestedly before she pulled her knees up against her chest and rested her chin atop them.

"Do you...do you want to talk about it?" Ruby asked and Belle shook her head sadly as she huddled into the chair for warmth. Ever since she'd left his house, she'd been unable to warm up. She just felt… _cold._

"I just...I don't understand how I can be _so angry at him_ but still miss him." Belle confessed as she ran a hand through her hair and exhaled slowly. "He said such terrible things but I know he didn't mean most of them and I just....I want to smack him and kiss him all at once." Belle through up her hands in frustration before she stood and walked away, wine glass back in hand.

"Maybe after he's had some time to cool off he'll come around?" Ruby offered up hopefully but Belle just shook her head and stared out the living room window. None of the last few hours felt real. She felt... _numb_.

"He won't." It wasn't pessimism, it was just the truth. Her boyfriend - well, _ex-boyfriend_ now - was as unchanging as stone. A night wouldn't bring him round; a thousand nights might not even accomplish that. And though part of her wished she'd stayed on his doorstep, Belle knew that she couldn't keep giving herself to a person unwilling to chase her. If he wanted her, he would make it known to her. Or he wouldn't.

And she would have to find a way to be okay with that.

\-----

" _Doctor French!_ " The sharp reproof punctuated the mindless haze that Belle had sunk into in the midst of morning rounds and she snapped to attention guiltily, realizing she'd let her mind wander off.

"Y-Yes, Doctor Mills?" Belle chirped out hesitantly as Regina turned away from the patient – an eleven year old girl named Grace, Belle recalled suddenly - and faced Belle with a snarl curling the corner of her lip.

"Doctor French please go wait out in the hallway. I'll join you in a moment." Regina instructed in a terse, biting tone. Belle nodded and bit her lip as she slipped out of the room, mentally chastising herself for losing her focus. Her throat constricted and she swallowed thickly; at this point, Belle was getting surprisingly good at holding back tears. Granted, that expertise had only come after several hours worth of crying in the last week but it was a skill she possessed now nonetheless.

It had been seven days exactly since the breakup and she'd barely seen him; to be honest, Belle wasn't sure if that was a good or a bad thing. Her heart still ached and she'd cried more than she cared to admit over it all and she _missed him_ something terrible. But the few times she _had_ spotted him had been like a knife twisting in her heart. And though most of the sightings had been brief and far off, she'd caught his eyes once and gone weak in the knees. And another time she'd had to speak to him and she'd barely been able to form words, instead opting for nods and clearing her throat whenever possible.

On the bright side, she'd maintained a strong facade at work - 'strong' meaning she hadn't cried in front of anyone. She'd managed to stay relatively composed but on the odd occasion she found her mind wandering, seeking memories of the stolen moments of quiet they'd shared.

 _She missed him_.

"What the _hell_ was that?" Regina hissed after she had closed the room door behind her and swept out into the hallway. "Where was your head in there because it for damn certain wasn't on this case!" Regina accused and Belle could only hang her head.

"Doctor Mills, I am so sorry, I-"

"You need to get your head on straight." Regina interrupted. "Pick yourself up and get over this silly little tryst. I tried to tell you what a mistake it was to get involved with the likes of Gold but you didn't want to hear it. Well hear me now, French: you made a mistake. Pick yourself up and move on or your career will suffer for it." Regina warned and Belle found herself blinking at her boss uncertainly.

"M-Move on? That's your advice? You're not going to yell at me for being less than committed to this case?" Belle asked, feeling a knot of discomfort in the pit of her stomach. Something was wrong; Regina should have been concerned about the professional aspect of all this, not the personal.

Regina rolled her eyes and laughed before she swept an arm behind Belle's shoulders as she guided the younger surgeon down the hall, leaning her head in conspiratorially.

"Belle, darling I'm saying this to you woman to woman. When I was an intern I made the mistake of getting involved with a co-worker." Belle raised her brows in surprise and Regina's smirk widened as the Attending nodded, her hold on the Resident tightening. "I understand how you're feeling. I do. But the best way to get _over_ a man is to get _under_ another." Regina advised as Belle's jaw dropped.

"Doctor Mills, I don't think that's what this calls for, I just-"

"My dear girl, don't be silly.  You and Gold are done with, that much is plain to us all. But there are plenty of other, _better_ fish in the sea. So find one. Soon." Regina's grip tightened to the point of being painful and Belle squirmed slightly as the surgeon turned so she stood before her protégé and eyed her intently. "I mean it French. Get this residual emotion out of your system and soon or you'll be off my service permanently. I don't suffer incompetence. And this weepy, spurned woman routine of yours is tiring. _Quickly_."

Regina instructed in a honeyed tone as she pushed the patient chart into Belle's hands and spun on her heel, stalking off without another word. Belle watched her go, more confused than she'd been before. And _that_ was saying something.

Clutching her patient's chart to her breast, Belle struggled to control her conflicting emotions; part of her felt an almost feral desire to punch Regina for suggesting such a brash 'solution' to her breakup with Gold. The other half of her was ready to crumple beneath the crushing pain she felt in her chest. She really hadn't ever imagined things going this way but then again, no one ever pictured the unhappily ever after; that wasn't the stuff of which fairytales were made. No one entered into a relationship expecting the worst; everyone expected a happy ending.

The realization, however, offered her little in the way of comfort.

Glancing down at the chart, Belle cleared her mind and focused on the patient at hand. _Grace_. It was a pretty name befitting a pretty girl; it was unfortunate that the girl in question had a Pleuropulmonary Blastoma compromising her heart and lungs.

The surgery the child required was one Belle had not yet observed, most of her surgeries with Regina having been cardio based. However, since Belle wanted to do Cardiothoracics, this one would be a tremendous learning experience for her. She was fortunate to be in a program that allowed her to focus on Cardiothoracics so early in her surgical career; most programs mandated that Residents did a five to seven year General Surgery residency prior to an additional two to three year Cardiothoracic fellowship. Instead, Belle got to spend six years doing an integrated Cardiothoracic residency. It was one of the most competitive of programs and here she was, squandering it as she pined over her ex-boyfriend.

"Pull yourself together, Belle." She murmured to herself as she turned around, prepared to walk back into Grace's room and apologize to the young girl and her father. Belle was running through her head what her apologetic speech to the pair would be when she collided with something solid and went sprawling to the floor and the chart flew from her hand.

Belle fell to the floor hard on her back and felt the air rush out of her lungs. Stunned and breathless, she fought to breathe unsuccessfully for several moments until, spluttering, air finally returned to her.

She sat up slowly, massaging her sides as she coughed and sucked in air greedily, only becoming aware of the loose papers scattered about her and the other person on the floor after another few moments. Apologetically, she started to gather up the paper from the ground, her voice raspy when she finally spoke.

"I'm so sorry, I wasn't looking where I was going. I have a nasty habit of reading charts as I walk-" she explained, losing her voice the moment she offered up the papers she'd collected and found herself face to face with _him_.

He looked like a deer in the headlights as he stared at her, only accepting the papers after what felt like an eternity of staring at her uncertainly. When he did so though, he grabbed them sharply and jerked away from her, pulling himself up awkwardly. She could tell his bad knee was stiff and she bit her lip as she hugged the chart to her body and stood, averting her eyes.

"I'm ah...I'm very sorry, Chief Gold." She choked out.

"Might I suggest you watch where you're going from now on, _Doctor French_? I'd hate for you to mow someone down in the halls and bring a lawsuit down on the hospital." He remarked sharply before he limped briskly past her. Belle held her tongue, resisting the urge to suggest that he do the same. Arguing and making a scene wouldn't amount to or solve anything and it certainly wouldn't make her feel better.

Maybe Regina was right; not entirely, but Belle _did_ need to get over Gold. It wasn't healthy to nurse feelings for him when they needed to coexist in such close proximity. She needed to move on.

"Grace?" Belle intoned with false cheeriness as she reentered her patient's room, trying to force herself to be bright around the young girl. The eleven year old looked up from her coloring book, a bright smile on her face. Despite that smile, Belle could see the bags under her eyes and the pale complexion of the young girl's face.

"My name is Doctor French. How are you feeling, sweetheart?" Belle asked gently, watching as the girl dutifully set down her crayons and focused her attention on her doctor.

"I'm alright." She piped up, her voice soft and eager to please. From the other side of her bed, her father stirred, slowly getting to his feet as he extended a hand for Belle to shake.

"She's not one to complain, my Grace." He explained, sweeping a hand toward his daughter. "But she was coughing a lot earlier this morning and complaining of chest pain." He confessed, tapping the girl gently on the nose as he looked at her. "Which is something she _should_ tell her doctors." He reminded the girl, who smiled shyly.

"I don't want to be a bother." She confessed and Belle could only smile.

"I promise Grace, you aren't a bother. But it _would_ bother me if you didn't tell me the truth. So from now on, if something is hurting or doesn't feel good, you tell me. Deal?" Belle queried, extending her pinky finger to the young girl, who quickly took it in a pinky promise.

"Deal." Grace beamed back before resuming her coloring while Belle, accompanied by Grace's father, slipped out of the room and into the empty hall.

"Is she-?" The young father began and Belle interrupted him quickly to reassure him.

"She's doing exactly how we would expect. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to alarm you. I was just coming in to apologize for my inattentiveness earlier. I've been having a rough time lately but I want to assure you that your daughter will have my full attention from now on." Belle rushed, tumbling over the words as her patient's father watched her intently, nodding to himself.

"I appreciate that Doctor French." He responded with a nod and a careful smile. "She's my whole world."

"I promise…she's in good hands. Doctor Mills is one of the best in her field. And if you two need anything, just ask the nurses to page me 911." Belle offered gently, watching as the father's smile grew. 

Before anything more could be said, however, her pager went off, alerting her that Mal was summoning her to the ER. Not particularly in the best mindset to deal with trauma, Belle sucked in a deep breath to steady herself and squared her shoulders. Duty called.

"I have to get going, Mr. Hatter but like I said, if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask." Belle smiled, beginning to walk away when his voice drew her back.

"It's Jefferson."

Stopping short, Belle turned back to face him, her head cocked to the side. He watched her reaction and chuckled quietly, putting a hand to his chest.

"My name; I know Grace is probably going to be here for a while and that means I will too so I figure you should call me Jefferson. Nobody calls me Mister Hatter except bankers and attorneys." He grinned, shoving his hands in his pockets. "Anyway…thank you, Doctor French." He shrugged shyly, beginning to retreat back into his room when she decided to act on a sudden impulse.

"Belle." She called back and he stopped in his tracks, his eyes landing on hers curiously. "My name….It's Belle." She smiled, before darting away quickly in the direction of the emergency room.

\-----

"You need to eat." Ruby growled at her from across the table in between bites of her tuna sandwich.

"I'm not hungry." Belle sighed, pushing the tray bearing her chicken caesar salad away from her. Ruby eyed her friend disapprovingly but from experience, the brunette knew that disapproval alone wouldn't persuade Belle to eat.

"Belle, you can't let a patient's case get you down like this." Ruby chided softly, pushing the tray back toward her friend. "If you really want to help that little girl, eat so you can keep up your strength and be the best medical provider she could ask for." Ruby insisted.

Belle frowned but grudgingly began to pick at her meal, though her heart felt as if it weighed three tons of stone. Grace's cancer had proven more advanced than they'd originally thought and just that week the girl had undergone a round of chemotherapy in the hopes of reducing the size of the growth knotted around her lungs and heart. If it worked, they'd be doing surgery soon but that didn't change the fact that the child was feeling extremely ill following her first chemo round.

Belle's heart went out to the child and to her devoted father who had not left his daughter's side for a moment. He'd held her hair as she was sick and her hand when she wasn't. Belle couldn't recall seeing such devotion before; the only thing that came close was Doctor Emma Swan's devotion to her boyfriend, Graham, in the months prior to his death.

The pair sat eating in silence for a time, all the while Ruby intently watching her friend to be sure she really ate her meal. They were three quarters of the way through their break when a familiar voice reached Belle's ears.

"Belle?"

Her blue eyes lifted to find Jefferson standing awkwardly with a cafeteria tray, staring at her from a short distance away. With a smile and a wave, Belle invited him over. Ruby, however, could only stare in confusion from Jefferson to Belle and back again.

"How are you, Jefferson?" Belle asked brightly as the dark haired young man approached the table, though he didn't sit down to join the two women.

"I'm alright; Grace fell asleep and I wanted to grab some food while she napped. I don't like leaving her alone when she's awake." He shrugged, stealing a glance at Ruby before he focused on Belle. "I don't want to interrupt you two though, so I should go…" He explained but Belle only shook her head.

"No, no! You're fine. This is Ruby Lucas, she's another surgeon here. Ruby, this is Jefferson; he's my patient, Grace's father." Belle explained over introductions and Ruby and Jefferson awkwardly shook hands before the other young woman motioned for him to join them.

"Please sit; you're not interrupting anything, we're just finishing our lunch." Ruby intoned sweetly, though Belle could practically hear trouble brewing in her friend's tone of voice. She shot her friend a critical frown but if she noticed, Ruby pretended not to.

"So Jefferson," Ruby began, a sly smile on her face, "what do you do when you're not in our quaint little hospital?" Ruby inquired in what could only be described as faux-innocence. Jefferson looked up from his tray and smiled hesitantly.

"Ah, my job's nothing too glamorous, I'm afraid." He admitted between bites of carrot sticks. "I used to handle acquisitions for a large corporation but after Grace's mother passed…Well, that required a lot of travel and time away from home so I quit that and took over my wife's little clothing store. The salary's not the same but I get to be with Grace so, that's its own reward." He grinned and Belle felt herself doing the same until she caught Ruby's eye and found her friend watching her much too intently.

"I'm so sorry to hear about your wife… how long has it been?" Ruby pressed on; when it came to getting what she wanted, Ruby was like a bloodhound. Once she caught the trail, she never let it go.

"It's been six years." Jefferson answered slowly, his tone growing somewhat harder, though Belle could tell Ruby liked the answer. Belle could have read the other girl's thoughts – six years was long enough to wait before dating again. Ruby saw Jefferson as available.

"You must have been very young when you had Grace." Ruby commented and Belle kicked her friend under the table, only to receive a swift kick back. _Damn Ruby_.

"We were high school sweethearts. Grace was born when I was nineteen. We were eager to start a family." Jefferson explained. "Then when she was three her mother was diagnosed with cancer and we put everything on hold to deal with that…" Jefferson trailed off, growing quiet. Belle felt her heart going out to him; he'd already lost much and now to have his daughter in peril too?

"Everything with Grace must hit pretty close to home." Belle commented softly. "I'm truly sorry." Belle breathed and Jefferson nodded, avoiding her eyes as he continued to pick at his food. Belle shot Ruby a dark glare, blaming her for the somber route the conversation had taken.

"If it makes you feel any better, Doctor Mills is top notch, even if she is a cranky ol' witch sometimes." Ruby mused.

 _"Ruby!_ " Belle hissed but Jefferson was chuckling as he eyed Ruby and Belle in turn.

"Well she is!" Ruby defended before returning to the conversation. "And Belle here was top of our year. So really, your daughter couldn't be in better hands." Ruby mused and Jefferson responded with a bob of his head.

"Yeah, I've been told that. Several times, actually." He grinned before he rapped his knuckles on the table gently. "Well ladies, thank you for letting me join you but I should be getting back to Grace. It was a pleasure to meet you." He inclined his head toward Ruby. "And I suppose I'll be seeing you later today, Belle." He murmured, giving Belle a nod of goodbye before he took his leave.

It wasn't until he departed that Belle saw Gold standing a table over, staring hard at the spot Jefferson had just occupied. Belle felt herself go stiff all over when her eyes met Gold's briefly. In that moment, she couldn't tell whether he was angry or jealous or sad or if that was just wishful thinking. Their gazes held for a few moments more and Belle found herself rising up, a hand extended in his direction. Before she could say anything though, his face went blank and he spun on his heel to go, leaving Belle standing with an outstretched hand and an aching heart.

"Belle, what's going on?" Ruby asked as she turned to see what Belle had stood up to stare at but her friend only shook her head.

"Later." She breathed as she moved to follow Gold, her lunch forgotten about and abandoned.

The look on his face, before he'd become unreadable, made her hurt. And it shouldn't have; they were broken up at his behest, she shouldn't care if he was upset, but it did. And so she walked as fast as was safe through the hospital, catching the occasional glimpse of him rounding a corner. It would have been easy to call out after him but doing so would have drawn unwanted attention and really, what she wanted was a moment alone with him to talk.

She deserved at least that much.

When she rounded the corner just outside his office and saw Ashley manning the desk, Belle raised a hand to silence the girl's objections before she could voice them and waltzed into the office without further ado.

He was standing facing away from her, one hand on the desk as he stared, almost unseeingly, out the glass windows to the outside world. He gave no indication of having heard her come in, though she closed the door with intentional force. Belle cleared her throat pointedly but that too failed to rouse him.

"Doctor Gold?"

All was still for some time and though logically she knew he'd heard her, she almost wanted to say his name again, so slow was he to react. When he did react though, she almost wished she hadn't come at all.

"Doctor French, what a pleasure; managed to tear yourself away from your lovely new suitor long enough to rub it in my face that you've moved on? How lovely." He murmured, walking 'round his desk and seating himself behind it with an air of disinterest. Belle gawped at him and strode forward, intent on sorting this out.

"I don't know what 'young suitor' you're referring to because I can assure you, I most certainly don't have any such thing. If you're referring to my patient's _father_ who I was just chatting with cordially then allow me to correct you by saying I have no interest in him. Or anyone else, for that matter." Belle snapped, giving up more of the truth than she'd intended to with that.

"Ah, so he's your patient's father; well, you do like men connected with the hospital in some way, don't you?" He mused, his words riddled with vitriol.

"How dare you." Belle half cried, half spat, more hurt than she cared to admit by his words. "How dare you make it seem like I'm the bad guy in all of this. _You_ were the one who broke up with me. If anyone here has the right to be angry or jealous or hurt it's _me_." Belle managed, quivering from head to toe in fury.

"My dear girl, if you think I care about you stamping your feet and huffing you-"

"Stop that!" Belle yelled at him, putting both hands on the top of his desk as she leaned into him. "Stop pushing me away so you can pretend that I don't matter. I know you. You push people away when you're hurt. But you don't get to be the hurt one in all of this. I do. Because I chose you; I wanted you and I was willing to fight for us but _you_ threw our relationship away. So you don't get to hate me for moving on, if and when I do. You had your chance and you didn't choose me." Belle finished and pushed away from his desk so she was standing again instead of leaning toward him.

She hadn't meant to blow up at him like that. She'd only meant to explain that Jefferson was just a friend, her patient's father. But then, why she'd felt she had to explain at all was another story entirely. Belle didn't like to admit that she still cared for him, that she still wanted him to perform some grand feat, to prove his love and take her in his arms.

But that was the stuff of fairytales and after so long working in the hospital, a place where death and tragedy put an end to lives and dreams, Belle should have known that life was no fairytale.

He didn't say anything and really she hadn't expected him to have anything kind to say anyway. As she left his office, she cast a glance Ashley's way, the poor little secretary looking utterly confused.

"He's free again, Ashley." Belle murmured quietly before she departed for the cardio floor; her lunch break was nearly over by now and she had patients to get back to. 


	7. Heartbreak Prognosis

She wanted it to get better. _Desperately_ wanted things to improve, for there to be some indication that somewhere, there was a light at the end of the tunnel. But as the days passed, Belle became increasingly discouraged by work.

Grace was deteriorating. Regina was almost always irritated by Belle, who apparently wasn't disguising her emotional distress very well. Gold avoided her like the plague or berated her and made her feel two inches tall at every opportunity.

Her lunches with Ruby and Jefferson were about the only bright spot in Belle's days but today, even that was not a comfort.

Today, Grace was having surgery.

Jefferson was a mess. And though Belle, who had done her best to maintain professional boundaries, knew she should not be fretting over him, she found her thoughts straying regularly to him. What pain he must be in, watching his child sink deeper into illness, powerless to help her? The thought of being in Jefferson's position honestly made her blood run cold.

Honestly, how could people find the bravery to be parents, to take responsibility for another life, when so much could go wrong? Parenthood was, perhaps, the single most terrifying occupation she'd ever heard of.

"How are you feeling today Grace?" Belle asked, forcing on the bright mask she always wore in the young girl's presence. The child looked up from the book she'd been reading in bed and smiled, marking her place with a bookmark and setting it aside as she focused on her doctor.

"Nervous." The girl responded, fidgeting even as Belle watched. Jefferson leaned forward and grabbed one of the girl's hands in his own and gave her a reassuring squeeze.

"It's going to be okay, Grace." He comforted. "Belle's going to look after you. Aren't you, Belle?" He queried, turning to face the brunette with eyes equal parts worried and hopeful.

"I am." Belle assured quickly. "There's going to be a lot of doctors in the room but you've met them all before and I'll be with you every step of the way. Just remember that even if you get scared, all of the doctors are working together to help you get that nasty tumor out of you so it won't bother you anymore." Belle reminded and Grace nodded, her long locks bouncing.

"Belle?" The child's voice was soft but heavy with seriousness.

"Yes, Grace?"

"Can you make sure someone takes care of my Papa for me? I don't mind if you leave me sometimes during the surgery if you go to take care of him. I don't want him to be alone." She was studying Belle intently as she made the request and despite her best efforts to remain stoic, Belle could feel tears prickling at her eyes.

"I promise you that I will take the very best care of him but only until you're out of surgery and awake and able to take care of him yourself. And I will make sure to give him lots of updates during the surgery too."

"Pinky promise?"

"I pinky promise." Belle nodded, offering up her pinky finger to validate her pact with the child.

"Thank you." Grace murmured and behind her, Belle could see Jefferson gnawing at his lower lip as he nodded in agreement.

"Yes… Thank you, Belle." He'd barely managed to choke out the words and the young surgeon could tell that Grace's father was overwhelmed with appreciation. Their thanks was unnecessary, however; Belle would do whatever she could for the both of them. She would have wanted a surgeon to do the same were it her child on the table, so it was only fair she do this for Jefferson.

With a quiet parting, Belle slipped outside of the room, steadying herself on the wall as she took deep breaths, trying her very best not to be emotional. She'd been warned of this; the rare cases that surgeons got entirely too invested in, the ones that could drain you or make you sob at the drop of a hat.

Grace Hatter, it would seem, had wedged herself firmly into Belle's heart. She was the case that had the possibility of thoroughly breaking Belle's already far too broken heart.

Before she'd finished pulling herself together, the door opened again and Jefferson emerged into the hall, glancing about frantically. When he saw Belle, he pulled her into a tight hug, his lips pressed to her ear.

"Take care of her, Belle. Please. Whatever you do, bring me back my little girl. The next time I see her…I don't want her to be under a sheet."

Unthinkingly, her hands went around his shoulders, cradling him as silent tears fell off his cheeks and onto her lab coat. Belle bit back her own tears, wanting so very much to be strong for her friend.

"Jefferson, I will do everything I can to protect her. You know that."

Though she knew the words were the truth, Belle whispered the reassurances boldly, with far more confidence than she herself felt. She was only one part of the medical team of specialists that had been assembled for Grace's surgery. It would be the oncologist and Regina who did the majority of the work.

But still, she'd do whatever was within her power to ensure that the next time Jefferson saw Grace, she wasn't on a slab in the hospital morgue.

\-----

The process of scrubbing into the surgical suite had become second nature to Belle by now; she could only imagine how natural it would feel after decades spent scrubbing in before surgery. As it was, she was dutifully scrubbing when Regina, on her left, spoke up suddenly.

"I'm glad to see you took my advice to heart, Belle."

Looking up from the sink, Belle eyed Regina in confusion, treading carefully as always with the raven haired surgeon.

"Which advice would that be, Doctor Mills?" Belle made no effort to hide the confusion in her voice, rather uncertain as to what Regina was referring to.

"My advice to move on. To get over Gold." Regina remarked simply, her smile like a sharpened knife as she grinned at Belle. "To be fair, I wasn't expecting you to go for a patient's father but I can see the appeal with this one."

Regina's widening grin and soft chuckle played the perfect foil to Belle's gasp of surprise and open mouthed shock. As the soap slipped from her hand and clattered into the sink, Belle felt a cold wave of surprise pass through her.

It was not a pleasant sensation.

"Regina, there's nothing between Jeffers- _Mr. Hatter_ – and I. I can assure you, nothing untoward has ha-"

"Untoward? Really darling, it's alright if you don't want to talk about it but there's no need to lie. I saw you two in the hallway earlier. As did Gold. Tell me, if nothing 'untoward' was going on, why would your ex-boyfriend have gone positively green with envy at the sight of you with our patient's father, hmm?" Regina beamed and at that moment it became apparent to Belle what Regina's real motivation was here.

She was fishing for information purely on the hope that something _was_ going on between Belle and Jefferson, just so she could rub it in Gold's face. It was immature in the supreme. It was very much Regina's style.

"Regina, I'm not lying. Honestly, nothing has transpired between Mr. Hatter and myself. In fact, nothing has happened between me and anyone since…since-…"

Belle trailed off, biting her lip as she resumed the process of scrubbing in as Regina's smirk faded to a disapproving scowl.

"Well, I can't say that I'm not disappointed. I'd hoped you would heed my words, Belle. A distraction from Gold would do you a world of good."

Regina sneered at her protégé as she turned off the water at her station, lifting her arms as she prepared to enter the surgical suite. Belle paused in her scrubbing and gave a faint, shy nod to acknowledge she'd heard, prompting Regina to sigh and shake her head.

"Hurry up, French. If you're still interested in learning, this is going to be quite the learning experience for you." Regina commanded from the doorway before she pushed the door open and strode inside to meet with the rest of the surgical team.

\-----

Sometimes it was easy to forget how long surgeries went. Sometimes, it was not hard to remember.

In the case of Grace's surgery, time flew by quickly, both because Belle was actively involved in helping and was learning heaps but also because there was much activity in the operating room. The girl, for all her emotional strength, had been physically deteriorating and as the surgery dragged on, she'd begun to crash several times.

Each update Belle had given Jefferson had been terse, short and had seemed to leave him more worried than before. Not that Belle could blame him; it wasn't difficult to tell when things weren't going well just based off of Belle's vocabulary. Even if she was careful to put a positive spin on things, Jefferson knew.

"Belle, get in here and help with this pleural effusion." Regina directed and Belle snapped to attention as she stepped forward to help suction away the fluid putting enormous strain on Grace's lungs.

"It's invaded the mediastinum and I can't determine the point of origin but it's to the point of hemithoracic involvement." The oncologist remarked and Regina murmured a noise of agreement as they continued to work on removing the tumor.

"Belle, call it good on the suction. I need another pair of hands to help me with this." Regina directed. As Belle maneuvered into a better position to assist, Regina explained what her task was.

"You're letting your resident step in?" The oncologist questioned, prompting Regina's brows to knit together in a manner that Belle had come to associate with the surgeon throwing a complete fit.

"I don't seem to recall asking your opinion on the matter but as it stands, yes, I am letting her step in. Unlike the incompetence your program might breed, I raise my residents to be competent surgeons and part of that is allowing them to participate in surgery when I've deemed them competent." Regina began, speaking calmly but with a vicious, cold undertone that made Belle shiver.

"Doctor Mills, I didn’t mean to-"

"Oh I know _precisely_ what you meant to do. Rest assured, I'll inform Chief Gold of how timely you were in voicing your dissent. Quite the appropriate time to do so, over an open body cavity. So unless you'd like to further call into question my judgment I suggest you shut the hell up and worry about freeing this girl's lungs from this tumor while my resident and I do the same. Now, does that sound like a plan of action you can support?"

"Y-Yes….Yes it does, Doctor Mills." The oncologist responded sullenly, retreating back to working on her half of the tumor while Regina handed over the scalpel to Belle.

"The PPB tissue is necrotic and extremely friable; to make matters worse, it's also hemorrhagic. I need you in here, removing tissue. And for the love of God will _someone_ hang another unit of blood?" Regina snapped over her shoulder, prompting Nurse Blanchard to dart forward with another bag of blood.

"Y-You want me to help resect the tumor?" Belle clarified and Regina nodded.

"Complete resection looks like a pipe dream at this point but if we clear as much of it as we possibly can, chemotherapy might be able to take care of the rest."

"So you'd opt for chemotherapy and not radiation?"

"In this case, yes." Regina mused, watching as Belle set to work. "Use a lighter touch and you'll be able to remove more of the tissue." Regina advised and Belle nodded, doing her best to mind her mentor.

"Like this?"

"Yes; much better." Regina remarked lazily. After several minutes had passed, Regina making small adjustments to Belle's technique, the surgeon began to chuckle quietly.

"D-Doctor Mills?" Belle muttered, feeling entirely thrown off by her superior's sudden amusement. "Is everything alright?"

"Peachy keen, dear." Regina retorted, pulling herself together. "I'm simply amused at how quick you are to take my advice in this arena, when you're so quick to disregard my advice on matters of the heart. The metaphorical heart, that is." Regina chuckled again, amused at her own joke.

Belle froze, feeling all eyes in the OR turn to her and her cheeks flushed.

Suddenly, the surgery was beginning to feel immensely longer than it had earlier.

\-----

"You just did a successful surgery on a pleuropulmonary blastoma and Regina let you work solo for part of it. How are you not _flying_ right now?!" Ruby asked as the pair changed out of their scrubs in the locker room a few hours later.

Belle did not respond but instead seemed to focus on fixing her hair and tugging on a white cardigan. When she finally slammed her locker door shut, Ruby was staring at her sternly, her arms folded before her.

"You're not going to like it. I don't even like it. "Belle remarked dismissively as she grabbed up her purse and began to walk away, Ruby hot on her heels.

"Well, we can't know for sure unless you tell me, so out with it."

"I'm not in the mood, Ruby."

"How?! How are you not in the mood? Belle, you just did something that most residents only dream of! Whatever it is that's bothering you has to be serious if it could steal that kind of joy away from you."

"I'm leaving." Belle stated curtly and Ruby practically growled in response.

"Oh, that's real mature. I'm trying to have a conversation with you Belle. And in case you've forgotten, we live together so you can't exactly run away fro-"

"No! No, I mean I'm leaving the hospital. I applied to some other hospitals. I can't stay here. It's too difficult, Ruby. Everywhere I look there's a reminder of him somewhere. Even in an OR that he's not in, someone says or does something to remind me of him. And when I see him? I can't do it. I won't put myself through that. I shouldn't be distracted like that, for my own sake and for the sake of my patients."  Belle explained wearily as she strode out the sliding glass doors, a shell-shocked Ruby tottering behind her.

"You're _leaving_? Well…a-are you staying close by at least? What hospitals are we talking about?" Ruby pressed, putting a hand to her friend's shoulder to slow Belle's hasty retreat.

Belle squared her shoulders and sighed before she turned to face her friend, her expression heavy with guilt before she said a word of explanation.

"I'm not going to a hospital close by…I'm sorry, Ruby. I know this leaves you without a roommate-" Belle began but Ruby waved away her friend's words.

"You think _that's_ what I'm angry about? Belle, you're my best friend! I'm angry that you aren't going to be working in the same hospital as me anymore! Where exactly _are_ you going?"

"Well, I had requested a transfer to Boston Medical Center-" She began and Ruby's jaw dropped in shock before she interrupted her friend.

"Belle, you can't! That's not even in the same state!" Ruby pleaded. "You can't let that…that… _old git_ ruin this place for you! I know it's hard but…you can't! Who will you learn from? Regina's better than anyone at BMC! You're compromising _everything_ and for what? Because some ex-boyfriend is here? I thought you were stronger than that." Ruby remarked scornfully, prompting Belle to wrench away suddenly.

"You have no idea what it's like." Belle shot back and even in the dark, Ruby could tell the other girl was trembling. "I can't even think about moving on because in spite of everything he's done and said? I'm still in love with him! I can't sleep because I dream about him. I can't eat because my stomach is churning all the time from the stress of it all. And every time I see him, he takes my breath away and my heart breaks all over again. It is not _hard_ , Ruby. It is _impossible_. I _wish_ that is was only 'hard' to live without him." 

Belle breathed deeply, her chest rising and falling heavily from the passion with which she'd said her piece. Before Ruby could apologize or otherwise react though, Belle was gone, striding across the parking lot, past the car she and Ruby carpooled to work in.

"Belle, where are you going? Let's go home, we don't have to talk about it! Belle! Belle, come on! I'm sorry!" Ruby called after her but Belle said nothing, just kept walking in the dark, alone as the tears spilled down her cheeks. 


	8. Intervention

"She did really well." Belle smiled a week after her argument with Ruby as she slipped into Grace's hospital room where Jefferson sat at his daughter's side, both hands covering one of his daughter's, his head bent in silent thought or prayer or the like. At Belle's entrance, he gave a wan smile and lifted his head to take in the young surgeon with an appreciative nod.

"She's a brave one, my Grace. Always has been…Gets it from her mother." He remarked with a sigh before adding. "Certainly _not_ me."

"I think you're underestimating yourself…You were pretty stoic while she was in surgery. I don't know that I could be as brave if it were my loved one." Belle admitted as she grabbed up the chart hanging in a holder at the foot of Grace's bed and read the nurse's notes.

In answer Jefferson only shook his head, an amused little smile on his face. He knew Belle well enough to know she meant her words but that they were also spoken with every intent of trying to cheer him up. Belle was not quite as sneaky as she seemed to think she was.

"How is she?"

His voice was solemn, his eyes dark as he kept his eyes firmly trained on Belle, watching her expressions studiously and looking for any indication as to his daughter's status.

"Actually, she's doing exceptionally well…The first round of chemotherapy is always hard but it'll take a little while to hit her. You'll know when she starts to feel it. I know she's brave but…well, she won't be able to hide it." Belle stated truthfully and the father nodded, biting his lower lip hard enough that Belle could see he'd drawn blood.

"So what does our treatment plan look like, going forward?" Jefferson asked as Belle went over the surgery with him and the brunette shifted uneasily.

"Well…Doctor Mills will want to see Grace for a follow up and will keep her here in the hospital until she's recovered from the surgery and the chemo. After that, Grace will just have to follow up with her oncologist regularly for continued chemotherapy treatments." Belle explained and Jefferson frowned.

"So…you won't be Grace's doctor anymore?" Jefferson asked, his voice hard and breaking at the end. He cleared his throat, blinking fiercely as Belle shook her head.

"No, I'm afraid I won't." Belle answered, just above a whisper. When she'd thought of leaving, she hadn't considered the impact her departure would have on her patients. But Jefferson's reaction was rapidly making her regret that oversight.

"Who will be?"

The question caught her off guard but more than that was the change in his voice; brusque, official. Pure business.

"Who…who will be Grace's doctor?" Belle repeated, fumbling in her state of distress. "I don't- Regina will assign another resident to be the contact person for the oncologist but it'll be someone in that department, primarily. She won't be a cardiothoracic patient; she'll just have a contact person in the department in case the blastoma requires another surgery."

"Why won't _you_ be the contact person for the oncologist? You were one of her cardiothoracic surgeons, weren't you?"

"Yes but…Jefferson, I'm leaving the hospital." Belle announced and the young father looked at her, utterly stunned.

"You…You're just _leaving_ us? In the middle of her treatment? What if she relapses? _You told me you'd be there for us!_ For her _!_ " He asked incredulously.

"It's not like that Jefferson, I don't want to leave but I have to. Now, I don't know who will take Grace's case over in my absence but I can make a few requests and I can ask-"

"-Do that." Jefferson interrupted, turning his back on Belle as he circled back around Grace's bed to stand beside her.

"Daddy," Grace murmured sleepily, their raised voices apparently having awoken her. Jefferson, however, was not about to give Belle a break just because Grace was awake to witness things though.

"Grace, if Doctor French isn't going to be your doctor anymore than we need to meet your new doctor. I want you to get someone who actually cares about you this time." Jefferson stated firmly, the accusation in his words stinging Belle like a whip. And she hadn't overlooked his reference to her as 'Doctor French' instead of 'Belle'.

"Jefferson, I'm sorry-" Belle began, her voice heavy with sorrow.

"It's Mister Hatter." He said coldly, seating himself beside Grace. "And I think that's enough excitement for Grace for one day. Goodbye, Doctor French. Good luck at your new job. It must be _very_ important."

Belle bit back tears as she nodded, bidding Grace a clumsy goodbye as she saw herself out of the room. The moment the door closed behind her she leaned against it heavily, stifling the sobs that threatened to overwhelm her.

"French!" A crisp voice barked, interrupting her silent meltdown. Belle wiped her eyes and quickly looked up, blinking as she took in the sight of Regina striding toward her.

"Gold's office. Now. And before you say a word, it's non-negotiable."  Her mentor stated sharply, grabbing her protégé by the upper arm and quite literally dragging her in the direction of the Chief of Surgery's office.

\-----

"This is an intervention." Regina huffed angrily as the pair entered the very full office. Belle stared at her mentor with raised brows and then allowed her gaze to take in the other occupants of the room. Mal Vincent, Emma Swan, Ruby Lucas and _him_. Of course.

"A-An _intervention_? For... For _what_?" She queried uncertainly, sitting down delicately in the chair that had been appointed for her, as indicated by several hands pointing at it for her to sit.

"'For what' she says, oh that's _very_ funny." Regina muttered, forcing a sharp, fake laugh. "This is an intervention for your decision to _transfer hospitals_!" Regina exclaimed harshly, breathing heavily when Gold cleared his throat to rein her back in. Shooting him a dirty look, the surgeon grudgingly obeyed the wordless command and backed off.

"Belle, we just...we all care about you-" Ruby began, only to be interrupted by a scoff from Belle herself as the young surgeon eyed her ex-boyfriend. The brunette clapped a hand over her mouth almost immediately regretting the sound. Ruby eyed her reprovingly but continued, "-and we don't want to see you leave this hospital." She finished with a nod, which was echoed by Mal Vincet and Emma Swan. Regina was too busy pouting with her arms crossed to nod and Gold was actively staring at the top of his desk to avoid eye contact.

"I appreciate this, really I do." Belle began, sweeping her eyes over the group with an apologetic smile. "But my mind is made up. I...I need to do what's best for me. And staying here...that isn't it. I'm too distracted here; it isn't fair to my mentors or my patients. And my peers deserve coworkers that will challenge them to be better."

"That's not true!" Ruby countered, crossing her arms before her in clear displeasure. "You've _always_ helped me be a better doctor." Ruby remarked, forcing Belle to pause, surveying the group that had assembled to get her to stay, be it through power of persuasion or bullying.

"I haven't challenged anyone  here in a good way in quite some time and we both know it." Belle reasoned as she stared Ruby down. The other girl bit her lip, a clear sign that she knew she was losing.

"You're going to an inferior program though." Mal pointed out and Belle felt a mixture of gratitude and frustration with the Trauma surgeon.

"That's true; but I'm no longer competing at this hospital's level. Our Cardiothoracics program deserves the best." Belle argued and Regina rolled her eyes.

"This is bullshit; if you had taken my advice we wouldn't have this problem. We all know the issue is you aren't over _him_ yet." Regina snapped, pointing an accusing finger Gold's way. "Belle, I told you to screw someone. I didn't intend for you to screw _me_ over!" Regina hissed.

"You said to do _what_?" Gold growled suddenly, raising his gaze to glare daggers at Regina.

"Oh get over it Gold, you can't expect her to pine over you forever. Forgive me for being so bold but you can't be _that_ amazing. She was going to have to get over you somehow; sex does wonders for that." Regina dismissed with a wave of her hand in his direction before she focused on Belle again. "Do you have _any_ idea how much energy and time I've invested in you? _Do you_?" She demanded.

"Regina, I appreciate everything you've taught me, really I do-"

"Apparently not that much or you wouldn't be leaving for a program ranked _significantly_ lower than this one." Regina sniffed condescendingly.

"Johns Hopkins is ranked higher than our hospital." Belle pointed out and the room suddenly froze.

" _Johns Hopkins_?" Emma Swan repeated, awestruck.

"I thought you were going to the Boston Medical Center?" Ruby asked nervously and Belle shook her head.

"No. Well, I _was_ considering it but then I got an offer at Johns Hopkins at the last minute. And I took it." Belle explained, fidgeting nervously in her chair as the room of surgeons stared at her.

"But I thought you said the program was inferior." Mal questioned and Belle blushed.

"Well, I mean technically it might not be but they don't have an integrated program like ours; I'll have to do a General Surgery residency and _then_ a Cardiothoracic fellowship after it. It'll set me back a few years. So, that's inferior to a program more geared to my area of study, like this one is." Belle explained with a shrug.

"Johns Hopkins' cardiology department is ranked _way_ higher than ours." Emma blurted out and Regina shot her a withering glare but the blonde only shrugged nonchalantly. "What? It's true. She'd be crazy not to go."

"Thank you for that _most helpful_ comment, Doctor Swan." Gold muttered through clenched teeth but if he was trying to intimidate the General Surgery Attending, he failed.

"Listen, I appreciate what you were all trying to accomplish here," Belle murmured, turning her gaze to each individual in turn and doing her best not to frown when Gold avoided her like the plague, "-but they are a good program and I could do well there. From a professional standpoint, this is a huge step up for me." Belle explained.

"The girl's got a point." Mal conceded wearily as she uncrossed her arms and shared a pointed look with Gold.

"I have every reason to go... unless-" Belle began, then bit her lip and thought better of it.

"Unless what?" Regina demanded, snapping to sudden attention and leaning forward eagerly. Belle shifted, clearly uncomfortable as all eyes turned to her again. Instead, the brunette pretended to study the carpet as she fidgeted.

"Well?" Mal prodded and the young surgeon sighed. Belle folded her hands in her lap and stared at them for a moment before she lifted her gaze to stare intently at Gold.

"Unless someone can give me a reason to stay." Belle stated in a whisper before she returned to gnawing at her lower lip, a bad habit of hers when nervous. She was putting herself out there one last time; she wasn't sure

The room went silent as every eye turned to Gold who, for once, met Belle's gaze unflinchingly.

\-----

His heart was sinking and sinking _fast_. Johns Hopkins? He couldn’t compete with the likes of Johns Hopkins. Even between his own reputation as a surgeon and Regina’s combined, the pair of them were no match for the number three cardiology department in the country.

And Belle had been invited to join them. She would do well in Maryland, he thought. Of course, he would wither away here in Maine without her, but it was _Belle’s_ success, _Belle’s_ future, that mattered. Not his. He was an old man who had already made his name in the surgery world; Belle was still young and new to the game. She needed a step up the likes of which Hopkins could give her and he would not deny her that.

And he certainly wouldn’t deny her a bright future in exchange for a broken, failed relationship when she could do so much better than a grizzled old man like him.

"I see." He murmured the words weakly; they were poor response when it was so clear that she was doing all but giving him a second chance to make things right. But he didn't trust himself to do that; he'd messed things up once already and after a mere year. He'd find a way to do it again and then where would she be?

“I see?” Belle repeated, a faint, fading note of hope in her voice.

A long pause stretched between them, creating miles of distance where only a month before, there had been no space, just twined fingers and shared kisses. It was amazing how quickly time made fools of them all.

“Is that all you have to say?” Regina pressed in a low hiss before she elbowed him none too subtly in the ribs. He didn't give a damn if Regina was angry but he could practically see the anger broiling beneath the surface of Belle's carefully put together mask.

“Hopkins will be lucky to have you. You have my blessing; good luck in Maryland, Doctor French.” He replied stiffly and dropped his gaze to the host of papers on his desk, _anything_ to distract him from the fact that she was leaving him.

She wanted to go – of course she did! Why would she have brought it up if she didn’t want to go?

"When umm.... When do you leave?" Emma asked quietly and Gold felt his heart constrict painfully, terrified of what her answer would be.

"Common courtesy is to give at least two weeks notice, you know." Regina remarked before Belle could answer and the brunette bowed her head, clearly trying to be patient with her snappish mentor.

Johns Hopkins was… well, it was a _dream come true_. It was everything she’d ever wanted for her future. Security. Opportunity. The chance to learn from and become one of the best and brightest. It offered the promise of success and longevity and all the things any aspiring surgeon could want.

But Johns Hopkins lacked one very important thing.

 _Him_.

And if Johns Hopkins was everything she’d ever wanted, _he_ was everything she’d never known she _needed_. Johns Hopkins was a privilege, yes. But him? He was a _necessity_.

But she needed to know that she was a necessity to him. Because even if he was like air for her, she had to know that the same held true for him. She needed him to want her, to _need her_ as badly as she wanted and needed him. She needed him to admit it, to ask her those simple few words. _Please stay_. That was her heart’s request.

But instead, silence and quiet acceptance were her only parting gifts from him. She felt tears prickling her eyes but she would not ask him for it; love was not love if it had to be wheedled out of the other person. It had to be freely given.

His was not, it seemed. And so, her voice sounding hollow and sad to her own ears, she answered him.

"I know; I fully planned on giving you two weeks' notice. As it is, my last day will be in approximately three weeks." Belle answered quietly, feeling so terribly, terribly small.

Something inside him snapped. _Three weeks_. That was it. And then she’d be gone, a distant memory, a rusted relic. She’d be reduced to something pretty in a picture contained within a dusty, iron frame. He would be alone once more.

"Very well." He murmured before clearing his throat and pretending to stare intently at a stack of forms on his desk, waving the group of them away. "That will be all then. Doctor French has made her choice; I expect you all to abide by it."

He paused, lifting his gaze to seek out Belle's eyes, uncertain what solace he was expecting to find in them.

"I know I certainly will." He added before returning to the stack of paperwork, no more comforted than he had been before. _She was leaving._

"You realize that this is career suicide." Regina interrupted the  ensuing silence, blatantly disregarding Gold's directions of only moments before.

"Oh cut the crap, Mills. Johns Hopkins is anything but career suicide. Congratulations French; good luck over there. We'll miss you here."

Emma Swan remarked as she stood up and walked out of Gold's office. Regina Mills, glaring daggers at the General Surgery Attending, slowly made to follow her. Ruby left with a quiet apology, leaving only Mal Vincent in the room with Belle and her noticeably discomfited ex.

"French," she remarked sharply, slowly rising from her chair and exchanging a glance with Gold before turning to stare down the resident, "I wish I could say I supported this decision because Johns Hopkins is a superior institution but…I think you might be making a mistake." The Trauma Attending remarked levelly, casting a backward glance Gold's way."All the same, you're going to make a spectacular surgeon someday, regardless of where you go. I just hope you're happy, whatever you decide."

And with that, Mal departed, giving Belle's shoulder a firm pat as she passed by.

Silence lapsed between them and seemed to stretch on into eternity. With that silence, her patience too stretched, though unlike the silence, her patience also thinned. Finally, Belle caved, unwilling to remain silent a moment longer.

"Is that really all you have to say?" She asked him quietly, her hands folded in her lap to keep her fingers from fiddling nervously as they were wont to do.

"What else is there to say?" He retorted back almost immediately, though his eyes never left the pen tracing large, lazy loops across the papers on his desk.

Anger swelled within her, as if she'd been forced to swallow a glass of hot water. It was something guttural and fierce, a powerful urge to throttle him or to slap him and yet amidst all of her anger there was still a very strong urge to just _kiss him_.

"I would think that after a year of being together, I merit more than just a few words." Certainly she had earned more than that. Certainly she – _they_ – had been worth more than all that.

"If you're seeking words of affirmation or reassurances you're barking up the wrong tree." He retorted nonchalantly, prompting her to roll her eyes.

"You known as well as I do that wasn't what I was looking for. Not by a long shot."

"Well then do tell what exactly it is that you _are_ looking for, Doctor French, because I seem to be having a hell of a time trying to figure it out." He slammed his pen down on the desk as he rose to meet her line of sight, his gaze hard.

"I want to know what your feelings are for me. I want to know if I still have a reason to stay here." She confessed, all concern for pride thrown away in a last ditch effort to see if her instincts really were right, or if she had truly been wrong about him and his feelings for her all along.

"Dearie, if you're going to turn this into a private audience I suggest you do it outside working hours." Of course. Avoidance; it was one of his greatest strengths, after all.

"Would you just _answer me_?!" She rasped irritably, uncrossing her arms and balling her hands into fists that hung at her sides, her urge to hit him quickly becoming her dominant emotion. Granted, any blow she sent his way would be utterly ineffectual but she couldn't help but think how utterly cathartic it might be to punch him in the face.

"My feelings for you are strictly professional, Doctor French and I'm afraid I can offer you no reason to stay beyond the specialized Cardiothoracics program and individual tutelage from Regina from which you have decided to resign. If those things, as well as your friends and colleagues, are not reason enough for you than I certainly can add nothing more to tip the scales of your favor."

It wasn't that she hadn't expected it; to an extent, she had known it was coming, had felt it deep in her bones. But some part of her, some small fraction, the same fraction that still harbored some deeply rooted love for him, had hoped against hope that he would tell her he cared. That she had meant something. That he wanted her back, any number of things the likes of which would have abounded were this some romantic comedy.

But her life was no movie and this was no love story, it seemed.

"I see." She responded, her hands slowly uncoiling out of fists and going to her head as she made a show of fixing her hair, though it hadn't fallen out of place. "Well, in that case you can expect my letter of resignation on your desk by end of business tomorrow, Chief Gold." She said the last bit with particular emphasis on his name as she turned and began to walk away from him and everything that he represented.

"Coward."

He'd said the word at less than a whisper, clearly not having intended for her to hear it. Or perhaps that was just what he wanted her to think. Regardless of the intent behind the word, Belle _did_ hear it – and it left her quaking with anger.

"How… _dare you_." She spun on her heel to face him, deeply pleased by the look of surprise and – did she detect _fear_ – that flashed across his face as she confronted him. "You can't even find the courage to tell me the truth of how you feel and you presume to call _me_ a coward? How. Dare. You." She said again, her fingers once more curling into those all too familiar fists.

She had been nothing but brave. She had put her heart on the line time and again, embarrassed herself, had her heart broken and in spite of it all she had tried to give him one last chance.  And dared to call her a coward?

No.

Wordlessly, she crossed the room and leaned on his desk with her hands still balled in fists as she stared him down, resisting the urge to strangle him.

"Forget giving two weeks' notice... I quit. I'll clear out my locker tomorrow." 


	9. Coming or Going

The page Ruby Lucas had received the next day shortly after starting her shift had said to report to Chief Gold's office immediately. That hadn't been too terribly surprising, all things considered. What _had_ surprised Ruby, however, was the news that Gold greeted her with upon her arrival.

"What do you mean Belle _quit_?!" Ruby shouted as Gold gritted his teeth irritably to keep from yelling at the young trauma surgeon.

"I mean precisely what it sounds like I mean. We spoke after your failed little 'intervention' and then she decided she did not wish to serve out her two weeks." He recounted in a low growl and then, after a pause he added, much more softly. "She's gone."

"You _idiot_!" Ruby exclaimed behind him and he whirled to face her, a snarl on his face. Friend of Belle's or no, there were limits and she had crossed the line.

" _Excuse me_ , dearie?" He snapped as he leaned forward on his desk, glaring at her. "Don't think that you can waltz into my office and talk to me that way. If you ever had any privileges as my girlfriend's best friend – which you didn't – that ended when we broke up and certainly has expired now that she's quit." He chastised but Ruby only narrowed her eyes and prowled forward, her hands on her hips.

"For the next sixty seconds you are not the Chief of Surgery and I am not your resident." She retorted smartly, giving him a stare that reminded him rather a lot of her mentor, Mal Vincent. It was not a comparison that he fancied, in that moment.

"I make the rules in this office and if you think-"

"-I _do_ think!" Ruby interrupted. "In fact, I seem to be thinking a hell of a lot more than you are. You let her go? Are you stupid or just blind? She _loves you_. She doesn't want to go she wants to get back together with you!" Ruby lamented, biting the inside of her cheek to keep from exploding any further at him.

"She loves me?" He repeated with a laugh and a bob of his head. "What a delightful way of showing it, quitting her job and fleeing the city." He intoned with sarcasm and a high pitched, mocking giggle and an emphatic flick of his hand.

Ruby gnashed her teeth together angrily, balling her hands into fists as she frantically searched for some means of convincing him. She came up woefully short, never having been much of a storyteller. One thing, however wildly unlikely it was to convince him, was still at her disposal though: the truth.

"Do you know why she's leaving? It's not for the program or the opportunity to learn or become a better surgeon. A year ago, the Belle I knew would have moved for those reasons. But that's not why Belle's leaving. She's leaving because she told me that she can't sleep without dreaming of you. She can't see you, be near you, talk to you, without you taking her breath away and breaking her heart all over again." Ruby pleaded as passionately as she could, recalling the frantic conversation she and Belle had shared in the parking lot not a few days before.

Gold shook his head and scoffed but, to his credit, remained facing Ruby, listening intently to each and every word that fell from her lips.

"She's leaving because she loves you and staying here just reminds her that she can't be with you and it _torments_ _her_. So yes. She loves you. Though, for the life of me, I can't figure out why when you're just sitting here, watching her go without bothering to lift a finger to stop her." Ruby sneered, emboldened by the adrenaline now coursing freely through her.

"Thank you, Doctor Lucas." Gold interrupted sharply and Ruby stared at him uncertainly.

"Are you going to go talk to her or-"

"I believe you said sixty seconds. I gave you ninety. The door is that way." He cut her off, refusing to meet her gaze. The brunette's eyes narrowed, her nostrils flaring angrily but he was still her boss and she had done the best she could. If her words didn't prompt him to talk to Belle, nothing would.

She departed without another word, leaving the Chief of Surgery alone in his office. With shaking hands, he reached into the breast pocket of his lab coat and fetched the key that he kept there. Slowly, he unlocked the drawer to his desk and plucked out the silver picture frame within to stare at the picture it contained. They'd taken the picture together the weekend they'd gone to visit Aurora. His niece had snapped the image and sent it to him, matted and framed.

It showed him hand in hand with Belle, walking together, their heads inclined toward each other as they shared a fleeting kiss. Aurora had printed it off in black and white for effect and even as he stared at the image, he felt his heart twist painfully.

His hand curled into a fist and he hurriedly put away the picture frame, instead grabbing up the bottle of whiskey he conveniently kept beside it. He didn’t bother with a glass; he undid the top and tossed it back for a deep swig, the burning in his throat and loud pounding in his head preferable to the deafening, agonizing roar of the silence.

\-----

She'd waited until Ruby had left for her shift at the hospital. Belle knew that her friend was trying to put on a brave face but the sight of Belle packing was bound to upset her. And really, Belle didn't want to upset Ruby anymore than she already had.

So, Belle had frantically begun packing. She just needed to get away from here as soon as possible. Accelerate the apartment search in Baltimore. She could stay in a hotel until she found an apartment if need be. But she could _not_ stay here with everything so hideously wrong. It had been one thing to work at the hospital when she'd thought Gold disliked her or when Regina had been utterly unbearable with her near impossible expectations. It was another thing entirely to work there harboring the feelings she did and to know that her and her feelings were unwanted by _him_.

That, she believed, was more than most any heart,no matter how strong, could bear.

A few phone calls revealed several viable living options near to Johns Hopkins. If she was ambitious about her packing and travel timeframe, she could reasonably be living in Baltimore by the end of the week.

She requested they have the appropriate papers drawn up and faxed to her so she could sign them and mail them ahead of herself. The sooner she left Maine, the better.

By late afternoon she'd managed to pack up her entire room. A cursory sweep of her apartment showed her little that she actually planned on taking. She and Ruby had split the cost of furnishing the apartment and she didn't plan on leaving Ruby short an armchair or a television set. She'd just have to furnish her new place on her own. So be it.

By the time Ruby made it home from her shift, Belle was already on the phone, making arrangements for a one way train ticket to Baltimore.

The trauma surgeon stood stock still in the doorway as Belle finished purchasing her ticket, watching with wide eyes. When at last Belle ended the call and turned to see Ruby standing there, the red lipped young woman was blinking fiercely to hold back tears.

"You…you bought a train ticket?" She asked and Belle stared at the ground in discomfort before she nodded, rubbing the back of her neck. Strained silence extended between them until Ruby finally cleared her throat and closed the apartment door behind her. The sound of the door shutting seemed to echo entirely too loudly. Already, the apartment felt empty.

"I leave at the end of the week." Belle announced quietly. "Friday; I'll stay in a hotel for a few nights before I move into my new apartment." A nod in response, though Ruby's expression remained blank.

"Has anyone from the hospital been by today?" Ruby asked suddenly as she moved into the kitchen, no longer making eye contact with Belle. Frowning, Belle shook her head.

"No, no one. Why?"

"No reason. I just wondered if word had gotten round yet...about you leaving."

"Ruby." Belle pressed sternly, capable of discerning when her roommate was keeping something from her by now.

"It's nothing. I was just curious. I'm glad there hasn't been any other fallout from the intervention. That's all." Ruby countered, covering her tracks as best she could.

Gold had to hurry. If he was going to act, his window of opportunity had just shrunk even more. At this point, Ruby didn't even care if Belle stayed or left; this wasn't about having a roommate to help pay bills. This was about Belle having the kind of relationship she deserved with someone who loved her. And though it had taken her a while to come around, Ruby had come to believe Gold was just that person.

\-----

He hadn't left his office.

He'd had every intention of leaving but after Ruby had come and said her piece, he'd opened his bottle of whiskey and he hadn't capped it since. Ashley had walked into the office to find him for a missed appointment and found him wildly incoherent and irritable at some point during the day and had eventually left him to his own devices, which had mostly included drinking more and attempting to draft a letter to Belle.

Words, however, came poorly to him even with the assistance of his liquor. It was probably for the best anyway; saying what he needed to say to Belle in a letter was a coward's cop out. And apparently he was no longer even capable of that measly act of cowardice. It was a strange feeling, to consider oneself as less than even a lowly coward. The realization only fueled his drinking.

No wonder she was leaving this hospital to be rid of him.

When he'd awoken some hours later, it was dark outside and only the night staff remained in the hospital, keeping the place smoothly running during the wee hours.

He rose from his desk chair stiffly, the pain in his bad knee competing with the throbbing of his head as he slipped out of his office to check Ashley's desk. Sure enough, he found her notepad, a solid page and a half filled with notes regarding what he'd missed over the course of the day as he'd been soaking his wounds in whiskey.

He had to give his young secretary credit; she was a flighty little thing but she'd learned to do her job reasonably well.

Amidst the looping scrawl informing him of rescheduled meetings and issues that needed to be brought to his attention, there was a single personal issue, starred with an asterisk beside the first line of the message.

"7:13pm Incoming from Ruby Lucas: "She's leaving by train Friday evening."

Beneath this the words 'Extremely Urgent' were written and double underlined, with three exclamation marks following the word 'urgent'. Gold had to grasp the edge of Ashley's desk and ease himself into her chair as the world seemed to spin in a way that had nothing to do with his drinking (though he suspected that wasn't helping matters).

Friday. She was leaving Friday and then she'd be gone for good.

His pride dismissed the information; she'd betrayed him in favor of his ex wife's privacy and Regina's approval. She'd lied to him by omission. And she had chosen to leave the hospital. He need not waste another moment on her, need not give another thought to the potential she'd displayed, the career he'd envisioned, the future he'd hoped for with her.

But another part of him, a part that he'd thought long dead but which Belle had reawakened in him, urged him to go to her, to ask for her forgiveness and to offer her a clean slate, the chance to start over anew. To plead for it, to request that she forgive his cowardice and his distrust and all his other inadequacies.

Instead of listening to either voice, Gold opted to go home and shower until he no longer reeked of alcohol. Regardless of what he chose to do, he needed to pull himself together.

\-----

Friday dawned crisp and cool, strong winds clawing at the strands of long brown hair Belle had opted to leave down, spilling into soft, large curls. Pulling her red cardigan tighter around her, she hefted her suitcase into the back of the taxi despite the driver's offer to assist her. Turning back to face the apartment, she opened her arms wide to Ruby, who embraced her tightly.

"You'll call when you get there, right?" Ruby half whimpered, making a valiant effort to hold back tears.

"I will. I promise." Belle responded, choking back tears of her own. It was ridiculous to cry; she'd see Ruby inside of a week. But she was leaving; even when she came back, things would be different. They wouldn't be coworkers, they wouldn't be roommates; the reality of it was finally hitting her. 

Ruby nodded and brushed at her eyes with the back of her palm before she took a deep breath and forced a smile.

"Well…I'll see you soon then." She offered as brightly as she could and Belle nodded enthusiastically.

"Yes. It's not goodbye, it's just until next time." Belle beamed despite the tears creeping down her cheeks.

Without a word, she threw her arms around Ruby in a final embrace, squeezing her friend's shoulders tightly before she hurriedly detached herself and rushed into the cab. If she didn't leave now, she was quite certain no amount of bravery would compel her to later. This was all proving to be infinitely harder than she had thought it would be. 

She rode in near silence, doing her best to smile and nod at the driver as he chatted animatedly at her. Still, by the time they pulled up outside the train station, her hands were trembling and she felt terribly cold. As she walked through the crowded station, she tugged anxiously at her sleeves, wishing she'd worn something more substantial than just her cardgan. Though, truthfully, she didn't think it was the weather.

She was doing the right thing. He didn't want her; that much he'd made plainly clear. She was doing the hospital and her peers and her patients a disservice by staying if she couldn't work at the level they needed her to. Distance would help her heart to heal; she was doing the brave thing, leaving what she loved behind even if it hurt her to do so.

This, she repeated like a mantra to herself, over and over, yet it did nothing to slow the hammering of her heart or the shallowness of her breathing as she practically fell into one of the empty chairs alongside one of the platforms. Belle wasn't certain how long she sat there, her ticket clutched between her hands, staring hard at the capitalized letters. "ONE WAY, NONSTOP SERVICE TO BALTIMORE". And she kept staring, as if the words would reveal some hidden truth to her.

They didn't.

"Is this seat taken?"

The voice addressing her was quiet but Belle jolted as if she'd been screamed at. Jerking her head up like a puppet on a string, she blinked up uncertainly. The voice's owner was none other than a slim young woman with black hair and inquisitive, dark eyes that were staring at her with concern. Belle was frozen for a moment, feeling every bit a deer in the headlights until she realized her purse was resting on the chair beside her.

"N-No. It's not. Taken, that is." Belle responded tersely, the crushing pressure on her chest not having eased any since she'd sat down who knew how long ago. She snatched her bag up and placed it by the luggage at her feet, her ticket still clutched between her fingers as she continued to stare at it numbly.

The young woman sat down beside her slowly, staring at Belle curiously all the while. After the span of only a few heartbeats, she spoke up again.

"Coming or going?" It was asked nonchalantly but Belle blanched, staring uncomprehendingly at the woman.

"I'm sorry, what's that?"

"From Storybrooke; are you coming or going?"

It was a simple question that shouldn't have really required any serious modicum of thought process to answer but Belle found herself struggling with her answer.

"Um. Leaving, I think." She answered at last, the words sounding inadequate and weak even to her own ears. How did she not even know whether she was staying or leaving this place?

"You aren't sure?" The woman asked with gentle laughter and Belle felt the barest fraction of a smile make its way across her features. "I'm sure there's quite a story behind that."

"It would fill a book." Belle murmured, her brow creasing in a slight frown. The other woman wasn't even remotely thrown by this information, however.

"I find the best stories generally do – fill books, that is." She smiled, reclining against the back of her chair and stretching. Her relaxation served as the perfect foil to Belle's posture, still stiff and tense with the ticket clutched in her hands like it was her salvation.

"Unfortunately, I hardly think this would qualify as being one of those 'best' stories." Belle confessed. "The ending leaves much to be desired. Happy endings are apparently reserved for the books." And honestly, she should have known that by now.

"I used to think that too you know. But I've found that those that are willing to fight and to keep fighting – those people? They generally find what they're looking for, whatever that might be." The woman offered up gently and Belle stared at her hard. Surely this wasn't some kind of trick; she sincerely doubted the universe could be so cruel as all that.

"Fighting only gets you so far though." She countered, the trepidation in her heart unwilling to relinquish control just yet.

"I suppose you just have to take the rest on faith." The woman suggested softly. "If something's worth fighting for, you have to believe it's worth taking the chance on."

"But how can you know before you take that risk that you won't lose everything? How do you know if something's worth fighting for or just a lost cause?" Belle asked, though part of her already knew the answer. There was never certainty in life; how often did patients and their families ask for assurances that everything in surgery would go well? And when had any surgeon ever been able to guarantee an outcome?

"Well I guess the only advice I have there is to try to trust your heart; if it tells you to do something, you have to be brave enough to trust it and take a leap of faith."

A comfortable silence followed, wherein Belle found her eyes drawn to her ticket. She could go; leave Storybrooke, go to Johns Hopkins and see what the future held there. Learn from someone who was potentially kinder than Regina, free from the irksome cloud that her ex-boyfriend seemed to have become.

Or…

She could stay. Put up with Regina's barbs and claws. After all, trial by fire was the best way to learn; swords could only be forged by having the impurities burned and hammered out of them, right? And regardless, there was always the whole 'better the evil you know' saying.

And as for Gold?

She'd always seen the good in him; his refusal to back down from the cases most other surgeons wouldn't touch. His kindness towards patients like little Henry. The way he still supported Aurora, a niece that wasn't even his by blood or law. She'd always seen it, try though he might to hide that side of him. And she had always loved that side, been drawn to that side. And even if she couldn't convince that part of him, however small, that her feelings were genuine, he was still one of the most intelligent surgeons she'd ever known. Learning from him, in his hospital, was an experience she did not want to relinquish.

"You know, you really seem to have all the answers." Belle grinned as she shouldered her purse. The other woman looked up and shrugged.

"I've had some things of my own I've had to fight for recently. I know what it feels like to be lost with those kinds of questions." The woman responded, the truth in her words bringing a certain weight to her voice that gave Belle pause. Of all the seats in the station, she'd picked the one that had put her beside a kindred soul, a good samaritan to ease her emotional woes. Belle's heart instantly went out to her.

"And have you found what it is you've been fighting for?" Belle asked, genuine interest coloring her voice. The other woman pursed her lips and plucked a ticket from the contents of her own purse.

"Not yet; but I think coming here brought me a step closer." She remarked, waving the ticket for a moment before she returned it to her purse.

Belle smiled, truly pleased to hear that. She'd never put much stock in the idea of fate; she didn’t feel as if she'd been fated to become a surgeon, or fated to have any particular thing occur in her life. But ever there had been a time where she'd considered the hands of fate to be actively moving in her life it was now, with this guardian angel of sorts pouring wisdom forth for her to hear.

She stood quickly, plucking her phone from her purse in one hand and seizing the handle of her luggage bag in the other. Her stranger friend looked at her with wide eyes, a knowing grin on her lips.

"Coming or going?" She asked again and this time, Belle felt a strong but quiet sense of calm steal over her.

In answer, Belle seized her ticket and ripped it in two, her heart feeling suddenly unburdened. Her blue eyes fell to the other woman and she resisted the impulse to hug her, instead shaking her head in quiet astonishment as she stared at her watch. _Half past_. "Thank you. For everything… I have to go. I have to go find my someone worth fighting for." She beamed as she turned to leave, hesitating for a moment as she glanced back at her mysterious friend.  "I hope everything works out for you."

And with that Belle was gone, zigzagging through the teeming station as she wove her way back outside, already dialing the number for a cab to take her to the hospital. She had business to attend to with a certain hard headed (and hard hearted) Chief of Surgery. 


End file.
